'For God's sake buy her Valentine's Day flowers' warns regretful idiot

Self proclaimed modern man, Ian Napton has been left in a state of shock, after his genius idea ‘to swerve Valentine’s Day’, hugely backfired.

Napton announced his intention to abstain from the ‘commercial venture, allegedly ‘to avoid belittling’ his wife Gillian, with a show of ‘demeaning patriarchal tradition.’

Defending his decision, Napton sheepishly explained, ‘I genuinely didn’t want to insult the wife’s intelligence, not to mention the joint financial savings, of course.’

Responding sharply, Gillian confessed, she could easily ‘live without a poorly made toy from the petrol station’ but remained ‘unconvinced by her spouse’s ‘altruistic driving force.’

Simmering sublimely, Gillian went on, ‘If money is an issue, then Ian will be in full agreement to cancelling his golf membership and will be more than happy to have basic beer for the foreseeable future.’

Outwitted and confused, Napton has been forced to retract his initial statement, as well as pay ‘extortionate bloody prices for red roses and posh chocolate.’

I didn’t mean it darling, honestly!

In a heartfelt plea to fellow husbands, Napton implored others to learn from his mistake: ‘For goodness sake lads, get out there and buy a decent card. It’s not worth the ballache.’


Why not visit www.chattychimp.com for some satirically themed goodies?

So, you’ve forgotten Valentine’s Day, of course you did, you’re a bloke and that is what we do. Nevermind, why not make it up to her by ‘chucking her a bunch of flowers!’ and they say romance is dead.

Banksy Flower Thrower White
Banksy Flower Thrower White