All Hail Ming The Merciless, Emperor

Sajid Javid, the outgoing Chancellor of the Exchequer, has been thrown under the Boris Bus.

In an audacious move by Dominic Cummings, all advisers at the Treasury are to be sacked and all official advice to the Prime Minister will come from a new “joint” team of advisers in Downing Street, provided that they agree with Mr Cummings. If they don’t, well, they can always feel the tread of the tyres as it rolls over them.

The Evil Puppet Master

New Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, may scarcely look old enough to handle his pocket money, but he’s ideal Tory Chancellor material. After a posh school education, he graduated from Oxford University, and worked for Goldman Sachs and a hedge fund company before setting up his own investment firm. What could possibly go wrong when your Chancellor understands the needs of the wealthy? It can only be a matter of time before he’s seen lounging across the benches in the Commons.

Elsewhere, the renowned actors Rowan Atkinson and Griff Rhys Jones have been seen practising their lines for a fortieth anniversary rendition of one of their favourite political sketches.

“For the past two hundred years, the British people have conjoined with each other in a great quest for harmony, democracy, freedom, cup cakes, crumbly candy bars. It’s incredible, isn’t it, that a cretin such as this, should become the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.”

Meanwhile, the government continues.


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