Jeremy Clarkson comes out as a Caravaneer

The latest celebrity to join the ‘coming out’ trend is Jeremy Clarkson, who stunned some people when he took to breakfast TV to publicly admitted his love of caravans.

In his statement, he revealed his life long passion for all things caravany. “It has always been an obsession of mine. When I was a kid I fell in love with the damn things, the way they swayed in a light breeze, let in the rain on a sunny day and held up all the traffic on the A303. Bliss!”

When reporters asked about his presenting career, his wanton destruction of hundreds of caravans and his relentless mockery of caravaneers he explained it as a classic case of over-compensation. His psychiatrist told him that as it was so publicly unforgivable to love caravans he sought peoples approval by ridiculing and destroying them.

He went to ask for the forgiveness of his friends and family at this difficult time and hoped that they would understand and continue to support him.

Clarkson coming out to Hammond and May about his love of caravans

His fellow presenters were appalled and said that if they had known they would have left him to it. “We should have realised earlier,” said James, “Caravaneers are complete c***s and you only have to take one look at him to realise he’s one too. It’s the children I feel sorry for. Come on Richard, we’re off to Netflix.”

His fans were quick off the mark, photoshopping Jeremy’s face on to old 1970’s Open University presenters, making bonfires of his books and videos and giving the wa*ker sign to any caravan they were stuck behind, just on the off chance he was in it.

Meanwhile, one caravan maker said “That’s bollocksed it, we may as well pack up and go home. No-one is going to buy a caravan if they know Jeremy’s got one.”


Don’t be a Jeremy