Priti Patel to fight for UFC title under the name Paticake

“They are just a bunch a pussies, and the title is ripe for the taking.” Said Priti.

Ms Patel will be fighting under the name Paticake, and she has promised her fans that she will send her opponents ‘back where they came from’.

Got you bitch!

To get ready for the Grand Title Fight, Paticake has been practising her moves on a dedicated team of Civil Servants. As part of the training programme Home Office staff launch Kato style attacks, at a moment’s notice. This resulted in a rather uncomfortable cabinet meeting after she was jumped from behind by her PPS. In full fighting mood, she threw him over her shoulder, disabled him with a sharp knee to the nads before finishing him off with a Choke Hold. Although he enjoyed it, porters had to stretcher the poor unfortunate from the building. 

Inside sources report that Paticake has left many of her sparring partners battered, bruised and defeated, there has been blood on the carpet. It has reached the stage where they are no longer willing to take her on.

Take that, bitch!

Top fight commentator, Ian Napton, is backing her to go all the way. “She’s a real contender. Look at her form, she breezed through the early rounds, easily defeating her opponents at the Departments of Employment and International Development. The only hiccup was when she accidentally booked two bouts at the same time. Although she was keen to take on both fights, her team said no. I don’t think she has ever forgiven them for it.”

The bookies currently make Paticake firm favourite to take the title before the end of the current season.