‘Keep the statues’ says the blonde balloon.

Human potato and walking metaphor for everything wrong with Britain today, Boris Johnson (soon to be known exclusively as BJ as part of a jazzy rebrand), has criticised the decision to remove a statue in Oxford dedicated to all-round top geezer Cecil “we are the first race in the world” Rhodes.

In his comments, Johnson discussed the need to deal with history in all its “imperfections”, saying that it wasn’t healthy to airbrush out elements we aren’t happy with.

Johnson was then asked whether we can look forward to a change in school history curriculums to include such “imperfect” events as; the Amritsar Massacre, the Mau Mau Rebellion (also, for the record, a massacre), the Irish potato famine, 300 years spent happily trading and using slaves, the 3 million African men and women trafficked around the world to supply Britain’s wealth and work as slave labour for the empire, Britain’s invention of concentration camps during a war in South Africa with some native farmers, the extremely bloody and violent partitioning of India and the 20 million Indians left to starve by the British Empire over the course of its occupation of that country.

By some smug twat with a degree in history and a liking for facts

In response to the suggestion, Mr Johnson (BJ) guffawed heartily, didn’t even bother condescending to answer the question and spouted something in a dead language before shuffling away looking like a children’s television character at the end of a thirty-year addiction to smack.

Boris Johnson

looking like a children’s tv character with a 30 year addiction to smack

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Well, I didn’t, it must have ben one of you lot!