Australia transports Tony Abbott to Britain

Former Australian Prime Minister, and national embarrassment, Tony Abbott is undergoing transportation to Britain.

The Australian Government, long concerned about their worldwide reputation, didn’t know what to do with the former Prime Minister. Eventually a think tank came up with the idea of transporting him back to the Old Country.

He’s all yours sunshine, you can do what you like with the twat, so long as he doesn’t come back here”

Crocodile Dundee, Australian Prime Minster

In days of yore, convicts, brigands and all-round bad eggs were sent from Britain to Australia, to serve their sentence. Apparently, living in an impoverished, run-down wasteland, populated by the dregs of society is considered a fitting punishment. Now that Britain has created similar conditions, Australia feels it is only right and proper to return the favour. So, transportation has been reintroduced, and Tony Abbott is first on the list.

The British Government has given a warm welcome to Tony Abbott by appointing him as the nation’s International Trade Rep.

As an open, tolerant country, we are glad to welcome Australia’s racist, sexist, homophobes. They already meet the UK’s strict entry criteria by not being brown or black. Once here, many of them will take a language course before going on to work in bars, hotels and telesales.

Dominic Lickspittle, Professional idiot and Government minister

Facing criticism that the appointment of Tony Abbott as a trade representative, reflects badly on our country, he continued,

Here is a man who successfully negotiated trade deals with China. He did this by reducing Australian working conditions to those of a Chinese prisoner in a ‘re-education’ camp. We believe he can pull the same stunt here! Frankly, it is unpatriotic of you to suggest otherwise.

Dominic Lickspittle, Cabinet Member

Before adding,

Backward-looking elitism, racism, sexism and homophobia allied to unrestrained capitalism is what Britain is all about. Who better to reflect that than Tony Abbott?

You know who we mean, right?

Meanwhile, Britain’s standing on the world stage sinks even lower, and the Government continues.


Do you fancy writing for the 83rd Best Satire Site on the Internet?

Think you can write a better story? Why not give it a go? Send your fantastical tale to submissions@chattychimp.co

We look forward to hearing from you.