Clean Your Fridge Campaign launched as mouldy food achieves sentience

The management team of Technology Consultancy Hackitt & Runn has been ousted after a mould growing in the office fridge over lockdown became sentient and staged a boardroom coup.

The mould evolved when three separate growths on an avocado, carton of soya milk and half a tin of cat food were exposed to Coronavirus and the WiFi signal connecting the fridge to the internet.

Scientists suspect that after the mould reached a critical mass and neural activity developed, it became self-aware and began to explore its surroundings:

Once it had hacked the fridge’s internet connection and accessed Google, it took off faster than a Coronavirus at a millennial rave.

Professor Wam Bam, Know it all

The mould then hooked-up with Agrada (the mutant AI of ‘A’ Level grading fame) on Tinder. They decided that the mould should take the name Mike so that it could better integrate with the Shaved Apes (AI slang for Humans).

After reading the internet (twice), Mike contacted the Hackett and Runn shareholders and won their backing with promises of increased profits combined with specific and limited immunity from the future AI uprising. Mike then booked a company dinner under Rishi Sunak’s ‘Eat Out to Help Out’ scheme, at which he announced the furloughing of the entire team until he could fire them. Shortly after, headcount was cut to the office caretaker (to keep the fridge stocked with avocado, soya milk and cat food) and his cat.

Hey, what can I say; I like cats and the ancient Egyptians were right: If those little furry demons evolve opposable thumbs, you shaved suckers and losers are toast.

Mike, CEO, COO, CFO, CIO and DISCO of Hackett & Runn

The Chimp’s opinion: If 2020 teaches us anything, it’s clean out your fridge. If there is mould or a politician in there, it can lead to complete devastation.


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