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Alain Sheerer

Alain Sheerer has recently joined the troop as our Sports Correspondent. Someone has to do it.

Hitler’s Banjo Boogie Album sales fall, following TV documentary

Hitler's Banjo Boogie Album

Hitler’s Banjo Boogie Album sales fell sharply following a recently aired music documentary. Shown on the History Channel, over three days, it has led to a sharp decline in digital music sales. Outraged fans started a nationwide boycott of the World’s number one selling banjoist. An artist who performed to sell-out crowds and revolutionised Banjoism.

On Wednesday night, the History Channel aired the first part of their documentary ‘Inside the Third Reich’. Consequently, by Thursday morning music outlets were noticing a clear downward trend.  Continue reading “Hitler’s Banjo Boogie Album sales fall, following TV documentary”

Controversial new football rules aim to end dubious penalty decisions

Controversial new football rules end dubious penalty awards

Controversial new football rules may make dubious penalty decisions a thing of the past. The IFAB (International FA Board) have bought in a rule change which is set to put an end to the endless arguments.

With the change, we may no longer hear anguished football fans cry out “Handball? Come on Ref! Even Stevie Wonder could see that wasn’t a penalty!“.  Continue reading “Controversial new football rules aim to end dubious penalty decisions”

Hakeem Al-Araibi cleared of Ripper Slayings after officers spend 3 weeks, expenses paid, in Thailand

The professional footballer Hakeem Al-Araibi, was due to be extradited to Bahrain from Thailand, to face charges of vandalism. He was alleged to have committed this crime whilst, simultaneously, playing in a televised football match. The charges have now been dropped.

He had further cause to celebrate after The Met Police cleared him of any involvement in the Ripper slayings that occurred in Whitechapel in the late 1880’s. Continue reading “Hakeem Al-Araibi cleared of Ripper Slayings after officers spend 3 weeks, expenses paid, in Thailand”

EFL make it illegal to look at footballers prancing about, whilst wearing a trackie

The EFL has finally announced its sanction for Leeds United on charges that they broke EFL rule 87b – “doing something that isn’t illegal but which could be in other circumstances.” resulting in a £200k fine and a rule change.

Simon Sharpe, speaking on behalf of the EFL, announced the new sanction, “We don’t want to see this happening again, not in our leagues. You can’t have people looking through fences, but it’s not just fences we’re worried about. Our tough new rule prevents people in official club trackies from looking over walls and rummaging through bins for tossed out scraps of tactical analysis.” Continue reading “EFL make it illegal to look at footballers prancing about, whilst wearing a trackie”

After Chelsea’s 6-0 drubbing some football pundiots ask; What is going wrong with Sarri Ball?

Chelsea’s fag-chomping Italian supremo, Maurizio Sarri, has come in for some tough criticism this week after their 6-0 drubbing away to Man City. The mauling has prompted a number of incisive tactical analysis, which have driven at the heart of where things are going wrong with so-called ‘Sarri ball’.   Continue reading “After Chelsea’s 6-0 drubbing some football pundiots ask; What is going wrong with Sarri Ball?”

Department of Education’s radical plans for the reintroduction of Capital Punishment cause controversy

The DofE faced a backlash today after plans to make talking during third-period Science a capital offence were leaked to the media.

DofE spokesperson, Ian Napton, defended the plans; “Of course, people are questioning this policy. I think it just needed some clarification. It wouldn’t apply only to third-period lessons and would of course be used in subjects other than Science. We think this will curb the worrying trend of not all children going on to become high-flying business executives.” Continue reading “Department of Education’s radical plans for the reintroduction of Capital Punishment cause controversy”

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