Education minister cuts school chair budget ‘Why do we need 1 chair per child?’ asks idiot

In another attempt to revolutionise the education system, the government has come up with bold new proposals that are set to overhaul the classroom experience for many students.

DfE spokesperson, Lord Dracula of Angmering, had this to say; “Essentially what we’ve noticed is that chair budgets are through the roof at many schools. A lot of schools have chairs you can actually sit on, and seem to be allocating one per child, which is completely unfeasible in the current financial climate.”

Minister furious after discovering schools spending money on pupils

As teachers and students alike enjoy their summer holidays, the Department of Education has announced a new scheme to help lay the foundations for the upcoming school year. Announcing the plans, Mr Duncan Dillon MP for Larnock Road, Kensington.

What we’re seeing far too much of in school’s these days is trying to complete tasks using resources. Going forward, with the budgets as they are, this just isn’t tenable. In today’s Britain schools can’t just expect to be carried along by so-called ‘backing’ from the taxpayers.”

Handball

Football’s Ian Holloway looks Forward to Post-Brexit Utopia

An interesting appearance from the mystifyingly unemployed soccer supremo, Ian Holloway, on Sky Sports’ flagship nonsense shouting enterprise ‘the Debate’ (which as much follows the rules of a normal debate as two pissed up Doncaster Rovers fans screaming insults at each other in the door to a pub on Saturday night) shed new light on the rumbling Brexit fiasco after Holloway gave the EU credit for making a right mess of the handball rules in football.

The 39 Steps

The 39 Steps, Devonshire Park Theatre – A Review

The time-honoured spy classic, the 39 Steps, immortalised by Alfred Hitchcock’s 1935 classic film of the same name, gets a new lease of life at the Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne. 

Illuminating the stage is a cast of just four, all of whom, with the exception of the impeccably cast lead Oliver Mellor (Coronation Street), play a revolving cast of comic characters, often transforming mid-scene to raucous comic effect.