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Launch of UK’s last remaining production car, The Plonker, doesn’t go well

As the last of the major UK based car makers, announces plans to shift production overseas, one plucky British company, The Trotters, launch their new four door saloon, The Plonker.

Unfortunately, launch day didn’t go as planned, the millennial models they hired were only used to automatics and drove the car straight into the River. Continue reading “Launch of UK’s last remaining production car, The Plonker, doesn’t go well”

UK selects The Okey-Cokey as its entry into The Eurovision Song Contest

In one of the more definitive results, in a National Vote, Britain has overwhelmingly chosen The Okey-Cokey as its entry into the Eurovision Song Contest.

Beating off strong competition from such nostalgia pop as; The White Cliffs of Dover Car Park, by Failing Grayling; Rule Britannia by Little Dick and The Johnsons, and F U EU by controversial rappers, The Elite, The Okey-Cokey was the surprise winner of the People’s Vote. Continue reading “UK selects The Okey-Cokey as its entry into The Eurovision Song Contest”

The Devil calls Donald Tusk to discuss Hells over-capacity and to tell him he can’t sub-let rooms, its not an Air BnB

Satan has contacted Donald Tusk to discuss Hell’s capacity to take newly damned souls.

The Infernal One, and the architect of Eternal Damnation, called Mr Tusk; ”Hello, Donald? I’ve got the right one, haven’t I? You’re not the orange one, are you?…Good. Look Don, you don’t get to sub-let sections of hell like it’s your personal Air B&B. It’s my domain and I say who gets to stay and who doesn’t. Capisce?” Continue reading “The Devil calls Donald Tusk to discuss Hells over-capacity and to tell him he can’t sub-let rooms, its not an Air BnB”

Seaborne Freight turns to Somali Pirates for help manning their non-existent fleet

Disquiet about Chris Grayling’s favourite ferry company, Seaborne Freight, continues as they announce plans to hire Somali Pirates.

With real ferry companies recruiting extra staff in order to deal with the Post Brexit freight shipping bonanza, there’s now a significant labour shortage.

Coincidently, faced with a downturn in the pirate trade, following the success of a major Hollywood Movie, The Pirates wanted to utilise their transferable skills and increase income from other sources. Continue reading “Seaborne Freight turns to Somali Pirates for help manning their non-existent fleet”

David Davis defies critics who say he doesn’t know his arse from a hole in the ground by taking a job at JCB

David Davis, the former Brexit Secretary and Army Cook, has dispelled rumours that he doesn’t know his arse from a hole in the ground by taking a job with the excavating behemoths JCB.

Critics were surprised by the appointment as there was little evidence that suggested he knew the difference between his arse and a hole in the ground. In fact he seemed to have difficulty finding his arse with both hands.  Continue reading “David Davis defies critics who say he doesn’t know his arse from a hole in the ground by taking a job at JCB”

Tragedy at Toshitone Industries after a secretary accidently books The Board into Dignitas, the assisted dying facility, rather than the luxury ski resort of Davos

The financial world was thrown into turmoil last night, after Gillian Napton accidently  booked The Board of Toshitone Industries into the assisted dying facility, Dignitas, by mistake.

Ms Napton was given the responsibility of booking the high powered executives, from one of the world’s largest companies, onto the World Economic Forum held annually at luxury Swiss Ski Resort of Davos.  Continue reading “Tragedy at Toshitone Industries after a secretary accidently books The Board into Dignitas, the assisted dying facility, rather than the luxury ski resort of Davos”

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