Following Boris Johnson’s announcement that oldthink words would now be banned, shares in correction fluid giant, Tittex, have gone through the roof.
Words that are now DoubleVerboten include; Brexit, Implementation Period, Ireland, No Deal, Partnership, No Irish Border, Money for the NHS, selling the NHS to the Americans, Nissan, spending promises, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Ireland again. Any references to these terms must now be ‘rectified’.
“It was horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There was no telling how long I was going to be off my feet, I thought I was going to die.”
Heroic Boris Johnson admits British Soldiers will die in the Middle-East but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. albeit not personally.
“Be under no illusion, I am prepared to do anything Donald Trump wants me to do, be it selling contaminated food, giving him the NHS or allowing young northerners to die horribly, thousands of miles from home. It’s a sacrifice I am willing to make, in order to get a trade deal and because he’s my real daddy.”
Many sports fans agree that since Mourinho’s sacking by Manchester United the Premier League has been a far duller place. Whilst his appointment as the Spurs manager took the football world by surprise, many fans greeted the announcement with a gentle chuckle.