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Seaborne Freight turns to Somali Pirates for help manning their non-existent fleet

Disquiet about Chris Grayling’s favourite ferry company, Seaborne Freight, continues as they announce plans to hire Somali Pirates.

With real ferry companies recruiting extra staff in order to deal with the Post Brexit freight shipping bonanza, there’s now a significant labour shortage.

Coincidently, faced with a downturn in the pirate trade, following the success of a major Hollywood Movie, The Pirates wanted to utilise their transferable skills and increase income from other sources. Continue reading “Seaborne Freight turns to Somali Pirates for help manning their non-existent fleet”

David Davis defies critics who say he doesn’t know his arse from a hole in the ground by taking a job at JCB

David Davis, the former Brexit Secretary and Army Cook, has dispelled rumours that he doesn’t know his arse from a hole in the ground by taking a job with the excavating behemoths JCB.

Critics were surprised by the appointment as there was little evidence that suggested he knew the difference between his arse and a hole in the ground. In fact he seemed to have difficulty finding his arse with both hands.  Continue reading “David Davis defies critics who say he doesn’t know his arse from a hole in the ground by taking a job at JCB”

Tragedy at Toshitone Industries after a secretary accidently books The Board into Dignitas, the assisted dying facility, rather than the luxury ski resort of Davos

The financial world was thrown into turmoil last night, after Gillian Napton accidently  booked The Board of Toshitone Industries into the assisted dying facility, Dignitas, by mistake.

Ms Napton was given the responsibility of booking the high powered executives, from one of the world’s largest companies, onto the World Economic Forum held annually at luxury Swiss Ski Resort of Davos.¬† Continue reading “Tragedy at Toshitone Industries after a secretary accidently books The Board into Dignitas, the assisted dying facility, rather than the luxury ski resort of Davos”

Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death

Ian Napton, a perfectly healthy man, in his early thirties, insists that as he is suffering from a slight cold he’s on the verge of death.

It was horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There was no telling how long I was going to be off my feet, I thought I was going to die.” Continue reading “Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death”

Joy unbounded for Mrs Napton after her husband manages to pee in the toilet without splashing it everywhere

Gillian Napton was over come with joy after her husband, Ian, used the toilet and managed to ensure that all of his pee-pee ended up in the toilet bowl, rather than all over the floor and the walls.

Mrs Napton said, “It was so unexpected, usually he goes in, you hear a tinkle, a splash a muttered ‘oh, fugg it’ and out he comes.¬† I’ve lost count of the number of times I been in to use the loo and come out with a wet foot. Its the backing in, you don’t always notice the wet patch. This time, however, there was none of that. “ Continue reading “Joy unbounded for Mrs Napton after her husband manages to pee in the toilet without splashing it everywhere”

Chris Grayling seems unsure what a queue of lorries looks like. We’ve provided a picture to help.

Chris Grayling, Minister for Transport, seems unfamiliar with what a queue of lorries looks like. In preparation for a No Deal Brexit, his department has arranged for 89 lorries to roll around Kent, to simulate the disruption caused by 12,000 trucks a day being stranded at Dover.

Critics wondered why he hadn’t heard of Operation Stack. This is where Kent Police close 3 Junctions of a motorway, and use an airport called Manston, to stack up lorries when the weather is a bit iffy or the French want a day off. Continue reading “Chris Grayling seems unsure what a queue of lorries looks like. We’ve provided a picture to help.”

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