Chris Grayling, Minister for Transport, seems unfamiliar with what a queue of lorries looks like. In preparation for a No Deal Brexit, his department has arranged for 89 lorries to roll around Kent, to simulate the disruption caused by 12,000 trucks a day being stranded at Dover.
Critics wondered why he hadn’t heard of Operation Stack. This is where Kent Police close 3 Junctions of a motorway, and use an airport called Manston, to stack up lorries when the weather is a bit iffy or the French want a day off. Continue reading “Chris Grayling seems unsure what a queue of lorries looks like. We’ve provided a picture to help.”
Ian Napton, has come up with a Brexit solution so ingenious he can’t believe no one ever thought of it before.
“I was sitting in the bath, mulling things over and I had this eureka moment. I suddenly realised the answer was to give everyone what they think they want.” he explained. Continue reading “Brexit problem solved by having one week’s No Brexit, one week’s Soft Brexit and finally a good hard one”
Ian Napton erupted in fury when he was referred to, by a stranger, as ‘mate’.
Things started to go wrong when he took his computer into the shop, for a repair. The young man greeted Mr Napton with a cheery “Alright Mate, how’s it going?” Continue reading “Look! I am not your f**king mate!”
Ian Napton, has appealed directly to the European Court of Justice to be allowed permanent relief from his Brexititis, by being allowed to die. Continue reading “Brexititis sufferer makes an emotional appeal to European Court of Justice to be allowed to die”
Top Shop, this week, reveal their revolutionary new lines. Under the guidance of the exciting young designer, Tara Tara, they have revolutionised their range and gambled on significant changes in fashion.
Mayanna Schmidt, Top Shop’s social media liaison and key influencer, said, “Over the last couple of years we’ve seen that nationalism, patriotism, the military and the super-rich privileged elite have become on trend. Our new range reflects these changes in key social values.” Continue reading “Top Shop live up to their name with their new catalogue”
Following the safe landing of NASA’s latest Mars explorer, Insight, on to the surface of Mars, NASA wanted to publicly thank all those who made it happen.
Andrew Jackson said, “The landing would not have been possible without the hard work, dedication and expertise of all of those working on the praying team. Without their constant kneeling, praying, bible reading, beseeching, invoking, pleading, finger crossing, Facebook likes and candle lighting, the mission would not have been a success.” Continue reading “Following the successes of the latest Martian landing NASA publicly thank the Thoughts & Prayers team for all their help”