Parliament’s Saturday session contravenes the EU Working Time Directive

Parliament’s Saturday Session has been cancelled as it contravenes the EU Working Time Directive.

Boris Johnson’ Saturday session of the House of Commons has been cancelled. Consequently, The Speaker confirmed that the proposed session would put MPs in breach of the EU Working Time Directive, so couldn’t go ahead.

Back to school

Mums rejoice and teachers despair as the new term begins

The country’s mums raise a glass in cheer as the nation’s children return to school.

Thank Christ for that!” said Gillian Napton, “It’s been torture, 6 weeks of trying to keep the little bastards amused. The only respite was 2 weeks in Torremolinos and that seems ages ago. Every time I thought it couldn’t get any worse, their friends would turn up for a sleep over. Why were my 2 never invited anywhere?”.

Dominic Raabid claims he told his imaginary friend about No-Deal risks before 2016

Dominic Raabid claims he told his imaginary friend, Harvey Napton, about the risks of a no-deal prior to the 2016 referendum. He further asserts that he made it quite clear there was a real risk of leaving the EU with No-Deal and that this would be a good thing. What’s more he told him this on multiple occasions.

Harvey issued a statement denying these claims.

Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson to update his Trip Advisor entry for Pentonville Hotel

Top Trip Advisor reviewer, Tommy Robinson, returns to The Pentonville Hotel to see if it’s taken his previous comments on board.

Last time Tommy stayed at The Pentonville he only gave it a one-star rating. He was very critical of the facilities, food and atmosphere. He also felt that the room service was far below the standard expected from such a busy hotel.

The Pen’s Governor, Ian Napton, says they’ve taken notice of Tommy’s comments and have worked hard to make major improvements.

billionaire, living the high life

Billionaire businessman wins compensation from HMRC after getting a tax bill

A Billionaire businessman’s accountants win £25,000 after appealing against a personal tax bill of £37.50.

Ian Napton trousers £25,000 from HMRC by way of apology for any inconvenience the tax demand caused.  The accounting error occurred when one of the Office Junior’s forgot to carry the three.