In a surprise twist, prospective Tory Leader, Ian Napton has admitted that the candidates are in the ‘making up any old sh*t’ phase of the campaign.
“We’ve reached the stage where everyone has heard everything we have to say, so to keep the publicity band wagon rolling we have to make up evermore outrageous sh*t. We’ve always got to go one better than the last guy, that’s why we are now saying things like; I’ve taken blow, speed, cocaine, heroin, paracetamol and echinacea, one candidate even admitted drinking a G&T on the tube.” Continue reading “Tory leadership candidate admits they’re now just ‘making up any old sh*t’”
A Billionaire businessman’s accountants win £25,000 after appealing against a personal tax bill of £37.50.
Ian Napton trousers £25,000 from HMRC by way of apology for any inconvenience the tax demand caused. The accounting error occurred when one of the Office Junior’s forgot to carry the three. Continue reading “Billionaire businessman wins compensation from HMRC after getting a tax bill”
Googlesoft have revealed Britain’s most common, and easily guessable password. The winner is ‘Runbyc*%ts!’ which is being used by over 69% of IT users.
The tech guys claim that using easily recognisable passwords makes it simple for hackers to gather personal data for nefarious purposes. They would like to point out that this is their job. Continue reading “Googlesoft reveal Britain’s most common password is ‘Runbyc*%ts!’”
Scientists, working at Cretinous College, Camford, have solved one of science’s greatest mysteries, Why is chocolate milk brown?
After a series of trials, much money and a completely fortuitous observation by one of the cleaners, scientists confirmed that chocolate milk gets its colour from Brown cows. Continue reading “Chocolate Milk comes from Brown Cows say scientists”
Toshitone Ltd has been valued, by The City, at £100 billion pounds. Investors are queuing up to give their money to the innovative car company, at its stock market launch.
Having revolutionised the funeral business, with their self driving hearses, and cornered the automated Pizza and Cocaine delivery market, things are on the up for the company. Continue reading “Toshitone Ltd has a stock market value of £100 Billion but hasn’t made a profit in 10 years”
Theresa May brings her Withdrawal Act back to Parliament for the third time. The Speaker, John Bercow has told her she can only bring it back if it’s substantively different.
Following a late night strategy planning session with Baldric, she has come up with a cunning plan. Instead of voting for the whole package in one go, Parliament will be asked to vote on it in stages, making it significantly different. That way no-one will notice it’s the same thing. Continue reading “MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act”