Due to an unfortunate spelling error, Harrods has accidently hired Satan, Lord of Evil, Devourer of Worlds and Harvester of Souls to dish out the Christmas presents to all the little children and to put the grot into grotto.
Unfortunately the mistake happened when a dyslexic intern was charged with booking Santa and his little helpers. When the agency returned the contracts, she didn’t realise they’d mis-spelled Santa, and they’d contractually booked Satan.
Boris Johnson’ Saturday session of the House of Commons has been cancelled. Consequently, The Speaker confirmed that the proposed session would put MPs in breach of the EU Working Time Directive, so couldn’t go ahead.
The country’s mums raise a glass in cheer as the nation’s
children return to school.
“Thank Christ for that!” said Gillian Napton, “It’s been torture, 6 weeks of trying to keep the little bastards amused. The only respite was 2 weeks in Torremolinos and that seems ages ago. Every time I thought it couldn’t get any worse, their friends would turn up for a sleep over. Why were my 2 never invited anywhere?”.