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£20,000 train ticket after Prince Charles used GWR’s On-Line booking site

The Royal Household’s annual budget came under scrutiny yet again today after it was revealed that the Prince of Wales had spent £20,000 on a train journey from London to Port Talbot.

It is understood that where the Prince would ordinarily allow his Private Secretary’s team to take care of such mundane matters, he was intrigued to have a go at booking a train ticket online himself, with expensive consequences.

One does ones best!

As Theresa’s last day at work approaches, Downing Street staff ponder ideas for a suitable leaving gift

Bye Theresa, don't let the door hit you on the way out

As a bicycle rack is installed outside 10 Downing Street and a taxpayer-funded padlock is being wrapped as a welcome gift for the new Prime Minister, staff are preparing to say their farewells to Theresa May.

Ideas are being considered for what would constitute a suitable farewell gift, and a suggestion box has been left in the hallway, just behind the famous black front door, where all staff can discreetly leave suggestions.

What should we say?

Devastation as a nice couple adopt Bouncer, the psychotic Labrador

Bad Labrador

A Hampshire couple are having their sanity tested to destruction by a newly arrived Hungarian rescue dog. 

Peter and Mary Davies, from Fareham, adopted a two year old Labrador cross last week. “He’s an utter nutter, a total mentalist,” Peter told us. “He destroyed all the beds and toys which belonged to our previous dog within half an hour of arriving, and Mary can’t get off the settee without him trying to hump her. He barks at everything and has taken a special dislike to Gary on Coronation Street. I don’t know if we’ll be able to get the carpets clean again.”

More about Bouncer

As Tory leadership candidates are revealed the country cries “Please stay, Theresa!”

Bye Theresa, don't let the door hit you on the way out

The 67.3 million people who are not members of the Conservative Party have announced that  “it’s OK, Theresa can continue as Prime Minister, after all.”

The Tory Beauty Parade has turned out to be quite ugly, hasn’t it?” said Ian Napton, a commuter at Waterloo Station. “When the choice boils down to a bunch of drug users and c****, and all of them make you want to punch them in the face really hard, you suddenly start to see a positive side to Theresa May, don’t you?” Continue reading “As Tory leadership candidates are revealed the country cries “Please stay, Theresa!””

British Tennis officially graded as ‘shite again’

Johanna Konta trying to hit a tennis ball

Thanks to Johanna Konta’s run to the semi-finals of the French Open tennis championships in Paris this week, Britain’s standing in the Ladies’ World Ranking has raced back up to 159th place, just behind Tahiti.

Sue Barker said, “Johanna did amazingly well, losing only to a 19 year old who’d never reached a semi-final before. If she hadn’t done so well, we might have dropped out of the top 200.” Continue reading “British Tennis officially graded as ‘shite again’”

The Tory leadership race – brought to you by Coke

Coke brings you the Tory leadership campaign

Members of the Conservative Party have set out on the task to decide which Leadership candidate’s drug habit will be most valuable in identifying the right man or woman to become Prime Minister and get us out of the beastly EU.

Michael Gove has admitted to taking cocaine at social events “whilst a young journalist.” Boris Johnson has admitted to “being given coke at a party, but I didn’t take it.” Dominic Raab believes in a “second chance society.” Well he would. He has a cannabis history. Rory Stewart is a cannabis and opium man, too. Continue reading “The Tory leadership race – brought to you by Coke”

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