Author: Colin

Colin is one of our more experienced writers, he is very fond of a cup of tea, a bourbon biscuit and a bit of a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Been noted to express disapproval with a hrrump!

Millionaire winner celebrates with a caravan holiday

Fans of ITV’s hit show, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, groaned aloud collectively when this week’s million pound prize winner, Donald Fear, announced that he had celebrated his win with a caravanning holiday.

A caravan holiday? How dull is this man? Asks Jeremy C

City reaps financial bonanza as pound plummets on No Deal

Champagne corks are popping in The City again as Brexit disaster looms larger and the pound plummets. 

It’s been a difficult year. I know chaps who have struggled to make £20 million, and even then, they’ve had to resort to shorting businesses which were on the brink of collapse because of the lockdown. But every cloud, and all that…”

Crispin Odious, Very Fat Cat
For I am a very fat cat indeed, said Mr Creosote

Gavin, why did you do that to me? cries chronic underachiever

Final and clinching proof that you can’t please all of the people all of the time has been found today in the shape of 18 year old Harry Finn.

Finn, an A Level student, told us,

My parents were high achievers. They both went to uni. All of my life, there’s been tremendous parental pressure for me to go to somewhere like the LSE, even though I didn’t want to go. Thanks to the Government, all I got was a B and two Cs and the LSE rejected me. I can’t tell you how relieved I was. Now this. All of a sudden, it’s A Stars all the way to London. I’m traumatised. Thanks, Gavin, mate.

Sulky, whiny LSE student
Oh no, my life is over….

Political transfer market is open for business

A football-style transfer market has been suggested for politicians, some of whom are looking nervously over their shoulders.

The well-known cock-up artist and habitual liar, Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of Great Britain, leads the free transfer market, as no other country, not even America, is willing to take him off Britain’s hands.

Do i hear £20 and lick of my lolly for Boris?