Scotland’s First Minister and Leader of the SNP Nicola Sturgeon has stated her full support for Alan-Whickham Smythe, the Sky News studio chair who last week announced that he was sitting and standing in the General Election.Vote Chair! Vote Chair! Vote Chair!
Australia has announced it will declare war on the UK. The news comes after the Australian Government was alerted to UK Prime Minister and play-doh impersonator Boris Johnson’s leaked plans to annex Australia, despite not really having the means, purpose or authority to do so.
“There are too many Australians living in London,” Mr Johnson attempted to explain, “most of whom are vegan or gluten-free or something stupid like that, and almost certainly working illegally, on gap-years or being generally Australian.”Boris Johnson to abolish Australia
ELO frontman and Intergalactic high-priest Jeff Lynne has revealed that sales from his new album, From Out Of Nowhere, will help to fund him rebuilding his spaceship.
“I’ve had it out the back garden since the seventies and I’ve tried calling the AA a couple of times but they’re not interested cos it’s not got wheels,” Mr Lynne told us. “So, now I just keep it outside and store my bikes and patio furniture in it, unless of course we’re using it for album artwork.”Mr Blue Sky is heading back to his home world
Following yesterday’s story of Alan Whickham-Smythe – Sky News Studio swivel chair and close personal friend of Kay Burley’s campaign to win the General Election, UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced his decision to abolish chairs.
When asked if this decision was based on the chair being a more popular candidate for next PM and his biggest political rival, Mr Johnson replied, “Of course not, no. The decision to ban chairs from Britain has been a key policy of the Conservative Party for a couple of weeks, now. We feel that Britain is getting lazy and sitting around too much, waiting for us to get our fingers out and do our jobs, so away with chairs! Let’s all stand on two legs together.”tOUGH ON FURNITURE, TOUGH ON THE CAUSES OF FURNITURE!
After appearing on Sky News this week, huge public support has inspired a local office chair to run for the General Election.
Alan Whickham-Smythe, the IKEA office chair and employee of Sky News, has announced that it will be running for the Independent “Oh sit down, Oh sit down, Sit down next to me” Party in the election following its starring role on the news when prominent Tory MP James Cleverly failed to sit on it. Instead, Whickham-Smythe has vowed to provide support for the country in any way possible with its two-armed swivel approach to politics.Clearer than the Lib Dems, less offensive than The Tories and not Jeremy Corbyn. Vote Chair!