Author: Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

Bin man distresses middle-class shoppers by sneaking into Waitrose

Ian Napton, a Bin Man from Hastings managed to sneak into his local Waitrose, shocking their regular customers.

Waitrose Spokesman, Neil Jackson, said, “We would like to apologise to all of our customers for the presence of an unskilled manual worker in the store. We understand that some shoppers were disturbed by the experience. We would like to reassure our customers that we have increased security and don’t expect a repetition of this distressing behaviour.”

Trump scandal
He’s not getting in here!
Continue reading “Bin man distresses middle-class shoppers by sneaking into Waitrose”

Terrorists think attacking Prince Andy will harm their reputation

Prince Andrew’s personal protection squad has been withdrawn after terrorists claim he’s too toxic to bother with.

The Security Services provides personal protection when members of the Royal Household are considered ‘at risk’ from terrorist groups, or unstable members of the public. If an attack emanates from within the Royal Family they are, traditionally, left to their own devices. 

Why does nobody love me anymore?

Johnson summoned to Head's Study after his bad behaviour in Assembly

Master Boris Johnson Jr has been summoned to the headmaster’s study to explain his behaviour at Assembly. A video has been circulated on the school’s Twhats Up group showing a group of children laughing, joking and making fun of the headmaster’s intelligence, behaviour and morals.

He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy