Author: Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.
Rugby World Cup

As Rugby World Cup ends the working-class breathe a sigh of relief

As the Rugby World Cup ends millions of working-class folk have let out a giant sigh of relief. Following on from the cricket world cup English sports fans have again been forced to fake an interest in posh-boy games.

This has meant mugging up on the rules of rugby.

“It’s all very confusing” said Ian Napton, “One team kicks the ball to the other team, which is considered a good thing, then they kick it back but when your team kicks the ball they are not allowed to chase it. Then both sides stop the kicking and have a bundle, but there are different rules for a stand-up bundle and a lying on the ground bundle. You can’t just join a bundle, players have to queue up first, mental!”

KKK Welcomes Tommy

Alabama offers political asylum to Tommy Robinson

Following release from one of Her Majesty’s finest hotels, Tommy Robinson has sent out a world-wide plea for political asylum.

Rejected by the electorate, incarcerated by an unforgiving judiciary and disavowed as a racist shite stirrer by his friends at the Daily Mail all he is looking for is a new start and, ironically, as an economic migrant keen to adapt to their ways, an even bigger income.

Oxford University’s no clapping policy to be extended to Old Trafford

Old Trafford, home of Manchester United, has decided to follow the lead of Oxford University by banning clapping from their ground.

The academics have decided the noise generated by everyone clapping creates an intimidating atmosphere, which means those of lesser ability, talent or just lacking pride, passion and backbone feel undermined and less able to reach their full potential. 

Grandad in a care home

Grandad sent to a home after buying a copy of The Daily Mail

The Napton family has come to the sad realisation that it was time for Grandad to go into a home.

The trouble started when Grandad went to the local shop for a packet of Werthers Originals and came back with a copy of the Daily Mail. The embarrassed family immediately called an emergency meeting. After a quick chat, they decided that, even though he was only 58, it was time for him to go into a home. Grandma was delighted.

Cancer risk in talc used to cut cocaine

Bristol top of the cocaine league for the second year running

Amazingly, Bristol has beaten off stiff competition from Paris, Amsterdam, Frankfurt and Rome to be crowned: The Cocaine Capital of Europe.

Competition judges toured Europe, before declaring Bristol City the winner.  The Italian Judge, Gianni Napatone, explained, “We ranked each city on: supply, purity, price and the likelihood of getting busted. Bristol came out top in all categories.

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