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Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

BBC and ITV launch a new monthly streaming service – GammonTV

GammonTV

To cash in on the global media streaming boom, BBC and ITV have joined forces to create a uniquely British offering. Called Britbox but immediately nicknamed ‘GammonTV’, it will showcase Britain’s golden age.

Ian Napton “We know we’re never going to be as big as Netflix and Amazon and we can’t compete with their innovative and original, world-wide, programming but we’re happy with that. Not everyone wants to see new and exciting things. No! they’d much rather have something old and boring that they’ve seen a hundred times before. We believe people will pay £5.99 a month, on top of the £154.50 a year TV licence, to watch this stuff.”

More nostalgia here!

After finding out his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ Groom gives up

Is this as good as it gets?

After everyone told Ian Napton that his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ he has taken the practical decision to respect their opinion and just give up.

“Look, everyone told me my wedding day was ‘The Best Day of My Life’, and yes, it was a good one. There’s no doubt about it, it was a corker. I realised that if that was as good as it gets then, what’s the point? I may as well not bother. So, I decided to crack open a beer, put my feet up and watch Netflix.”

Continue reading “After finding out his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ Groom gives up”

Inside M25 declared a Milkshake free zone for Trump’s visit

Milkshake ban to protect Trump

The Met have declared that whilst Donald Trump is in town, the entire area inside the M25 is to be a Milkshake free zone.

They have confirmed this doesn’t only apply to Strawberry, Chocolate and Vanilla but any flavour of shake. Additionally anyone trying to get around the ban by freezing it and claiming it’s ice cream will be prosecuted. Continue reading “Inside M25 declared a Milkshake free zone for Trump’s visit”

Bozo withdraws from Tory leadership race after Chris Grayling pledges his full support

Boris beaten off

Boris Johnson has withdrawn from the Tory Leadership campaign, after winning unequivocal endorsement from Chris Grayling.

Political pundits were surprised by Mr Grayling’s decision to support Boris. “At first we thought he was joking, perhaps he’d meant to announce his candidature but had somehow gotten it wrong again. However, it appears not, he was genuine.” said one. Continue reading “Bozo withdraws from Tory leadership race after Chris Grayling pledges his full support”

Voting mix up sees BGT’s Dancing Dog elected as MEP

Dancing Dog gets more votes than Tommy Robinson

Following yet another classic British cock-up the electorate have managed to elect a Dancing Border Collie to sit in the European Parliament.

The confusion occurred as voting for Britain’s Got Talent was running simultaneously to the EU Elections. 20 Million people were casting their annual vote in favour of the dancing dog when someone at The Electoral Commission muddled up the ballots. Continue reading “Voting mix up sees BGT’s Dancing Dog elected as MEP”

Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists

Old Golfers

Golfer, Ian Napton, has moved from his local club since discovering his playing partners are Facebook racists.

The trouble started when his grandchildren persuaded him to join Facebook. It was all very exciting, his golf mates were regular users and they were soon following each other. They shared jokes, news and posts. Continue reading “Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists”

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