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Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists

Old Golfers

Golfer, Ian Napton, has moved from his local club since discovering his playing partners are Facebook racists.

The trouble started when his grandchildren persuaded him to join Facebook. It was all very exciting, his golf mates were regular users and they were soon following each other. They shared jokes, news and posts. Continue reading “Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists”

Apple sparks security alert at Glasgow Airport

Apple Bomb

A Squeezy Jet flight to Glasgow caused a massive security alert, after an apple was mistaken for a bomb. All flights were grounded, and the airport evacuated, whilst the emergency services dealt with the unidentified fruit.

There has been previous criticism of the airport’s handling of ‘security incidents’. One terrorist, who tried to drive a bomb laden car into the departure lounge, was beaten up by a passenger. “Anyone coming to Glasgow to blow the place up should feel secure in the knowledge that they’re safe to do so.” said an airport spokesperson. Continue reading “Apple sparks security alert at Glasgow Airport”

What’s happened to Chris Grayling?

Where's Wally

Concern mounted about the Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling, after a reporter noticed that he hadn’t made a colossal cock-up in the last month.

The journalist, Ian Napton, broke the story ‘I was short of ideas the Sunday feature, and I did what I always do, went looking for details of Chris Grayling’s latest howler. There’s always one but this time there was nothing. I couldn’t find anything since he paid £40 million to run empty ferries to France and back. It was a concern, for a minute there I thought I’d have to do some proper work, then I realised this was the story.” Continue reading “What’s happened to Chris Grayling?”

The Establishment is appalled to discover Ireland is not a British County

Irish Independence Day

Several members of The Cabinet, some MP’s and all of the national press were appalled to discover that Ireland was not a British County. The revelation that Ireland is a country in its own right has caused consternation in the corridors of power.

Ian Napton, Secretary for Anglo-Irish affairs explained, “This has come as a real shock. I’ve worked in Anglo-Irish affairs for the last ten years and I didn’t know. It was only when we were looking through some old papers, as part of the Brexit Backstop Plan, that we found out Ireland became fully independent from Britain in 1937. Did you know that we had a war with the Irish over their independence? We didn’t, it was a shock I can tell you.” Continue reading “The Establishment is appalled to discover Ireland is not a British County”

Footballer who has never seen Fawlty Towers escapes punishment

Footballer appearing to summon a waiter

A Social Media storm erupted after it emerged that a Professional Footballer did not know what ‘Fawlty Towers’ was. The incident happened when the Crystal Palace goalkeeper inadvertently mocked Basil Fawlty, the hapless hero of the cult TV series, Fawlty Towers.

The matter has been referred to the Football Association disciplinary panel.
Continue reading “Footballer who has never seen Fawlty Towers escapes punishment”

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