During the Corona Virus lockdown, many people have become bored watching TV, Netflix and endless YouTube videos. By happenchance, Manchester United’s star striker, Ian Napton, has discovered a book.
The incident occurred when his Chiropodist came around to pamper his tootsies. As she set up her oils and unguents, she took the book from her bag and placed it to one side.
But what happens next?
“Carrie, I’d like to say how sorry I am. It shouldn’t have turned out like this.” said Cupid, before going on to explain.
“I saw Carrie sitting in her flat with a bottle of Lambrini and a cat. I thought “this won’t do”. You can’t have a beautiful, rich, white girl sitting at home, bemoaning her lot in life, she is one of the chosen. So I tried to fix things.
Boris was not the blonde haired, blue eyed hunk I was looking for
Over the last few weeks, from their doorsteps, the nation’s army of clappers have worked themselves to the point of exhaustion.
CLAP LIKE A COKED-UP bONOBO
Following criticism that they have failed to provide sufficient, suitable, protective equipment for front line NHS staff, the Government has announced an exclusive deal for Anne Summers to supply a range of gimp wear.
oOOH! Matron, can I bring my own?
“Believe in Britain, and stop all this doom-mongering,” says Boris. Adding, “If a few old people have to die in the national interest, then, keep a stiff upper lip, carry on and don’t let Johnnie Foreigner see you blub.
One paper has issued a helpful guide, designed to rekindle memories of life in the 1940s.
Remember you’re British!