As part of a dynamic, free trading post Brexit world the UK government has decided to seize on Donald Trump’s love of islands by offering to sell him the Isle of Wight
The President recently tried to buy Greenland but was rebuffed. Knowing that he had cash to burn the burghers of Whitehall decided they could help restore the government finances by selling the island to the USA.
As the Edinburgh Festival kicks off, supplies of Avocado, Quinoa
and Hummus have reached drastically low levels, with many restaurants having their
entire menu wiped out. One restaurant was forced to close by 11.30 in the
morning after smashing their last avocado.
The problem was caused by the sudden influx of Middle Englanders. Stranded North of the Border and miles from the nearest Waitrose, desperate families rushed to Stockbridge restaurants only to find the doors locked. Gilly Giles said “I don’t know what we are going to do. If Giles doesn’t get his poached duck egg and smashed av on sourdough he’s grumpy all day.”
I SAY, EXCUSE ME, WE WERE HERE FIRST!
In Edinburgh, at the World’s largest comedy festival, ‘Bozo’ Johnson gets a one star review from The Scotsmen.
His agent said, “Obviously we’re disappointed that Bozo’s clown show wasn’t better recieved. We put almost no work into preparing for the festival and we’re gutted that the reviewers didn’t acknowledge the complete lack of effort.”
Bozo gets one1
In a historic day for Britain’s finances The Pound achieved parity with The Peanut. The Governments devaluation strategy, using the Brexit mechanism, has worked. This morning The Pound plummeted past The Euro and The Banana before settling at one Peanut.
The Government claim this is a fantastic opportunity for their friends to trade peanuts, many had already short sold The Pound and filled their bird feeders.
More from The Organ Grinder
Sadly, Bozo Johnson has suddenly died. Details are sketchy but it appears he suffered an unfortunate accident with a mashie-niblick, after his best friend unexpectedly returned from golf. The lady of the house was unharmed.
Due to become Prime Minister, the untimely death of the noted scamp, womaniser and disingenuous motherfucker has deprived the country of one of the best leaders we never had.
Continue reading “RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had”
Lord Justice Ian Napton has clarified an earlier court ruling by confirming that politicians lie, you know they lie so it’s your own fault if you believe anything they say.
The landmark ruling came about after Mark Taylor got fed up
with being lied too. He crowd-funded a court action, in order to try to hold,
just, one politician to account. Mr Taylor argued that as a politician is a
servant of the people, they had a duty to act honestly and failure to do so was
‘mis-conduct in a public office’.
Read more lies here!