Author Archives

identicon

Id

Id, is a bit of a wild one

All Social Media posts will have to be ‘Police Approved’

Approved for use on Social Media

As the right to be offended brigade swings into action the Government has announced that all Social Media posts require Police approval. The increasing number of people who have become upset after seeing something on the Internet has reached epidemic proportions.  

In order to meet the additional workload, The Police Service are diverting officers from proper police work, like catching; TV Licence dodgers, speeding footballers, Wetherspoon drinkers and the homeless. Now they will ensure that no-one is in the least bit offended by some asinine comment posted on social media.

go on, You know you want to!

Major international row breaks out over Fukall

Fukall

A major diplomatic contre temps has broken out over the disputed territory of Fukall*. Situated in the Atlantic, some 260 miles west of The Western Isles the uninhabitable volcanic rocky island is at the centre of an almighty row about Fukall.

Originally the dispute over Fukall started in 1955, when Britain claimed the territory as their own. This was challenged by Ireland, Denmark and Iceland all of whom felt they had a better claim to Fukall.

Continue reading “Major international row breaks out over Fukall”

For Sale – The NHS, 63 Million previous users, good runner, needs TLC and cash

NHS Doctor

In this week’s classified section, following on from some recent interest from an American buyer, we are pleased to offer the NHS for sale.

As to the vehicle itself, it’s a bit of a classic, built in 1948 its designers took advantage of the post war enthusiasm for looking after each other. Unfortunately, over the years it has had some tough running. Many of its previous owners have not kept up the regular maintenance and as such the service history is a bit patchy. Continue reading “For Sale – The NHS, 63 Million previous users, good runner, needs TLC and cash”

RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had

Britain's Kennedy, Bozo Johnson dies

Sadly, Bozo Johnson has suddenly died. Details are sketchy but it appears he suffered an unfortunate accident with a mashie-niblick, after his best friend unexpectedly returned from golf. The lady of the house was unharmed.

Due to become Prime Minister, the untimely death of the noted scamp, womaniser and disingenuous motherfucker has deprived the country of one of the best leaders we never had.
Continue reading “RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd