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Id

Id, is a bit of a wild one

Donald Trump to buy the Isle of Wight

As part of a dynamic, free trading post Brexit world the UK government has decided to seize on Donald Trump’s love of islands by offering to sell him the Isle of Wight

The President recently tried to buy Greenland but was rebuffed. Knowing that he had cash to burn the burghers of Whitehall decided they could help restore the government finances by selling the island to the USA.

Trump whiteland

UN send emergency aid to Edinburgh as supplies of Avocado, Quinoa and Hummus reach critical levels

Emergency Avocados

As the Edinburgh Festival kicks off, supplies of Avocado, Quinoa and Hummus have reached drastically low levels, with many restaurants having their entire menu wiped out. One restaurant was forced to close by 11.30 in the morning after smashing their last avocado.

The problem was caused by the sudden influx of Middle Englanders. Stranded North of the Border and miles from the nearest Waitrose, desperate families rushed to Stockbridge restaurants only to find the doors locked. Gilly Giles said “I don’t know what we are going to do. If Giles doesn’t get his poached duck egg and smashed av on sourdough he’s grumpy all day.”

I SAY, EXCUSE ME, WE WERE HERE FIRST!

The Pound achieves parity with The Peanut

In a historic day for Britain’s finances The Pound achieved parity with The Peanut. The Governments devaluation strategy, using the Brexit mechanism, has worked. This morning The Pound plummeted past The Euro and The Banana before settling at one Peanut.

The Government claim this is a fantastic opportunity for their friends to trade peanuts, many had already short sold The Pound and filled their bird feeders.

More from The Organ Grinder

RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had

Boris beaten off

Sadly, Bozo Johnson has suddenly died. Details are sketchy but it appears he suffered an unfortunate accident with a mashie-niblick, after his best friend unexpectedly returned from golf. The lady of the house was unharmed.

Due to become Prime Minister, the untimely death of the noted scamp, womaniser and disingenuous motherfucker has deprived the country of one of the best leaders we never had.

Continue reading “RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had”

Judge rules that ‘You know politicians lie, if you believe them it’s your fault’

Judge rules in favour of politicians

Lord Justice Ian Napton has clarified an earlier court ruling by confirming that politicians lie, you know they lie so it’s your own fault if you believe anything they say.

The landmark ruling came about after Mark Taylor got fed up with being lied too. He crowd-funded a court action, in order to try to hold, just, one politician to account. Mr Taylor argued that as a politician is a servant of the people, they had a duty to act honestly and failure to do so was ‘mis-conduct in a public office’.

Read more lies here!
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