The Queen

America asks The Queen to have her back

Following a steady decline in the state of the United States, Democrats and Republicans have approached Queen Elizabeth asking her to take America back.

Concerned that America’s become a global laughing stock and appalled at the evermore erratic behaviour of their President, The Yanks want The Queen to run things again. Having watched The Crown on Netflix, Americans feel that Lizzie will bring a bit of decorum, decency and self-respect to the troubled nation. At least Her Majesty won’t be a national embarrassment every time she opens her mouth.

Kitchen makeover

Harry and Meg’s kitchen makeover comes in at £2.4 million

Harry and Meg’s kitchen makeover comes in at £2.4 million after Chris Grayling oversees the installation

Royal sycophants at the BBC and Daily Mail were left trying to justify why the Golden Couple can spend £2.4 million of tax-payers money on the renovation of their private residence, Frogmore Cottage.

However, their problems were solved after it emerged that the kitchen makeover project was given to Chris Grayling to handle.

Catch that migrant, catch him now

Desperate Migrants hauled from The Channel and returned to Birmingham

More Migrants have been caught in the middle of the English Channel and have been returned to Birmingham

Today a joint operation between the Police and the Border Force captured three boats full of migrants desperate to flee the UK. The families were taken back to shore, where they were placed in police custody. They are expected to be returned to their homes, in Birmingham sometime tomorrow.