In a surprise announcement, Seaborne Freight has won the award for Outstanding Ferry Company of the Year at this years Cargo Freight Awards.
Director of the Awards Committee, Ian Napton, explained, “There was only one contender. Seaborne were the most punctual and reliable, they never missed a sailing. Additionally they secured a £14 million government contract and the ringing endorsement of a Senior Cabinet Minister. Our customer satisfaction survey showed they were the only company to get no complaints, which is an outstanding achievement. It’s important to acknowledge the valuable work they have done in raising the profile of the cargo freight industry and we are delighted to recognise the work of this outstanding British company.” Continue reading “Seaborne Freight wins the award for The Most Outstanding Ferry Company of The Year”
Britain sadly lost one of it’s most passionate and vocal advocates for Victorian Values and Women’s Rights.
Few have gone further in protecting the legacy of women as property, than Sir Christopher Chode MP. A political titan, described as a man for whom the 20th Century never happened, a resolute upholder of tradition and defender of outdated modes of thought. Continue reading “RIP Sir Christopher Chode* MP a stalwart fighter for traditional Victorian values”
A constitutional crises has erupted following the latest series of “Who the f**k r u?”, the programme investigating the ancestry of celebrities; in search of scandal, title tattle and giving them a chance to act like they care about people they’ve never heard of.
During the latest series it transpired that Danny Dyer was a direct descendent of Edward III. It appears there was confusion about bloodlines during the time of Beseechious the Unfortunately Named and the wrong royal bloodline took over. Continue reading “Ancestral history programme reveals Danny Dyer is next in line for the throne, All Hail King Dan”
Startling world news today, when Donald Trump unexpectedly announced his immediate resignation, as President of The United States. World leaders were surprised and delighted at this sudden burst of good news. All tried to claim credit and confirmed they knew it was going to happen.
President Trump issued a statement explaining the reason for this sudden decision, “I’d just finished my McDonald’s and was having a quiet ten on the toilet, reading my twitter feed, when I saw a tweet, sent by Gav from Eastbourne. It called me a giant orange balloon and said I was doing a crap job. It then suggested I leave quickly and go and play golf.”
Continue reading “Donald Trump unexpectedly resigns after reading an abusive and critical tweet sent by Gav from Eastbourne”
After an almost unbearable wait, details, teasers and some gratuitous nudity from the final season of Game of Thrones, have been released.
Apparently, the latest series of GoT will feature some big men fighting with swords for no other reason than they make a nice clanging noise and easily fill five minutes of screen time. Continue reading “Details of the latest series of Tits and Dragons announced”
France was thrown into an identity crises, when one of their stereotypical celebrities admitted he was unable to satisfy women. He admitted to finding sexy, confident, intelligent and beautiful women to be too intimidating.
“Quelle surprise! Tell us something we don’t know.” admitted Frenchwomen everywhere. Continue reading “La Republique declares a state of emergency after stereotypical Frenchman admits he cannot satisfy women”