As Southern Rail’s beleaguered customers quietly fume at yet another fare increase in return for ever poorer service, the company’s ‘Managers’ have come up with a cunning plan.
Following a recent trip to India, Senior Manager Ian Napton was impressed with the effectiveness of Indian Rail’s external seating class. It effectively doubled the capacity of each train, at no extra cost to the company. Continue reading “Southern Rail to introduce External Class rail travel in a bid to reduce train over crowding”
Dr Liam Fuchs is delighted to announce the completion of an Anglo- American trade deal to secure the free exchange of swear words.
This deal secures loads of jobs in northern marginal constituencies, where the use of swear words has a rich cultural heritage. Continue reading “Dr Fuchs announces that the Anglo-American swear word trade deal is ‘fu**ing done’”
In answer to the question: What do you get the man who has everything? the answer is the county of Hampshire.
As his family sat around the dinner table, wondering what to get the Pater Familias for this Yuletide season, one of the younger members suggested giving him a county. Continue reading “Jacob Rees-Mogg gets Hampshire for Xmas”
Professor of Advanced Mathematics at Oxford University, Sir Ian Napton, believes he has discovered a completely new number.
Sir Ian’s deep fascination for all things numerical includes his financial details. He recorded his account balances, monies spent and the amount remaining. Although the initial balance and spending figures were correct, the final balance never matched the money on account. Continue reading “Maths genius discovers a new number when trying to work out how much money he spent at Xmas”
Ina radical re-modernisation the upcoming Tory Leadership Contest is to be decided by cage fighting with the winner becoming the ‘Ultimate Fu**ing C**t’.
Standard UFC Rules apply; no hair-pulling, scratching, name calling, although back-stabbing is mandatory. The winner is the last FC standing. Continue reading “Tory leadership challenge to use cage fighting to determine the Ultimate FC”
House of Commons
Office of The Prime Minister
10 Downing Street
To: Sir Graham Brady MP
Chair 1922 Committee
House of Commons
Dear Sir Graham,
It is with a tremendous sense of relief I write to you, to express my complete lack of confidence in myself. Continue reading “Theresa May writes to Sir Graham saying she no longer has any confidence in herself”