A record number of call outs to the London Fire Brigade, has sparked an urgent investigation.
After an epic volume of incidents, where victims became trapped in their wardrobes, ‘heat stroke and confusion’, were thought to be the prime suspects.
On closer inspection however, it became evident that the casualties were in fact, ‘attempting to escape to Narnia.’
Come on in!
A middle aged woman has sparked outrage, as she ‘failed to participate in generic bemoaning of the heatwave.’
In an act which has been described as, ‘quite frankly defiant and un-British’, Gillian Napton continued with her everyday duties, in an ‘unflappable’ manner.
Keep cool and carry on!
A modern day philanthropist was left feeling thwarted and ‘invalidated’, after her mission to ‘educate the less fortunate, fell upon deaf ears.’
Self-appointed eco-empath, Olivia Napton’s pilgrimage to the depths of South London, ended abruptly, when she was shockingly told to ‘go forth and multiply, you smeggy do-gooder.’
You’re all doing it wrong!
A south London woman has been found safe and well, though slightly seething, after being reported missing by her husband.
Fears for Gillian Napton grew, when her husband Ian discovered the Sunday roast had failed to emerge at it’s usual time, post golf game.
Reliving the ordeal, Ian Napton told us, ‘Alarm bells rang, once I got home, arguably a tad late, to radio silence and an empty oven.’
Continue reading “Frustrated housewife buried under an avalanche of empty toilet roll tubes”
And now, my end is near
My leadership gone for a burton
U.K I’ll say it clear,
You’ve done it now, of which I’m certain
Regrets, I’ve had a few
Article 50 and it’s extension
I did what I had to do
And saw it through with much contention Continue reading “Theresa, leaving us with a song “I did it May Way””
Negotiators have been drafted in, following a child’s heartfelt appeal to divorce her parents.
In an extraordinary turn of events, Brabantia-Dragonflower Napton felt compelled to initiate proceedings, when her parents refused to allow her to eat a ham sandwich, at the school picnic. Continue reading “Brabantia-Dragonflower to divorce her parents following ham sandwich row”