Ian Napton has been admitted to the Priory suffering from an acute, stress-related, illness.
Problems began early on Saturday, as Gillian, his wife, was inconveniently called to a family emergency. With only nine hours sleep, he was unceremoniously thrust both out of his bed and comfort zone, when his two-year old inserted a Cheerio up his left nostril. Continue reading “Dad has a mental breakdown when he is unexpectedly left alone with his two-year old”
Fear and chaos ensued in Shoreditch yesterday, when an a blue-collar worker, entered a high-end, artisan bakery.
At first, everyone remained calm and silent, until he took the provocative step of asking for a cut white loaf. Stunned, the assistant and drama student, Pippa Piper-Montacute, was unable to respond. Bravely, she endeavoured to offer the suspect a sourdough, gluten-free bloomer, as a means of placation. Continue reading “When we say ‘Artisan’ that doesn’t mean we want customers who work with their hands, admits posh bakery”
Gillian Napton has suffered an injury to her pride, following an unfortunate fall on her front steps.
Attempting to prepare for the severe weather, Gillian had made an emergency expedition to Aldi, for crisis rations and a snow shovel. Heavily laden with thirty-six pints of milk, ten loaves of bread and three litres of gin, Gillian sadly overbalanced into the herbaceous border. Continue reading “Catastrophe in the southern English village of Datchet as 1 mm of snow causes chaos”
Glowing tributes poured in yesterday, for Dave Moses, after achieving the auspicious accolade of Dad of the Year, at the Dead Duck pub, New Morden.
With rose petals falling at his feet, Dave shared his inspirational experiences boasting, ‘‘At least once a month I babysit the kids, so my missus can do the weekly shop in peace.’’ He went on to say, ‘‘There’s nothing she loves more than, wandering the aisles, deciding what to cook for dinner.’’ Continue reading “Dave Moses wins ‘Dad of The Year’ after babysitting his own kids”
Southern Rail commuters witnessed outrage this morning, when a millennial was asked to move their bag from the seat, on a packed train.
Although Joshua Woods was already sitting comfortably, Ian Napton inexcusably demanded that he ‘shifted’ the offending bag. Continue reading “Millennial expresses outrage on Instagram after being asked to take his bag off a seat on a busy train”
Angry scenes in parliament including backstabbing, intimidation and verbal abuse, resulted in Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee making emergency appearances to restore law and order.
Poppins was aghast, when M.Ps insisted it was just another day at the office. She reported: ‘‘Nobody here is practically perfect in everyway. In fact, Michael Gove measured in as ‘deeply suspicious, with a hint of authoritarian.’’ Continue reading “Emergency Response Nannies called into Parliament to sort out the naughty little children”