Generation teen have been commended, for their ongoing contribution to the community.
Special thanks goes to their passionate use of raucous vocabulary, as it ensures that everyone within a mile radius can feel included in their conversation. Seeing adolescent romance played out at the bus-stop, has been likened to viewing modern Shakespeare. One drama fan, Gillian Napton mused, ‘’Hearing such lively banter after a long shift, is the highlight of my day. ’’
Continue reading “Generation Teen win praise for their valuable contribution to our community, not”
Widespread outrage is extending amongst Middle England, as their petition to exclude themselves from certain DVLA rules has been dismissed.
Multiple signatories had expressed the desire to be formally exempt from general ‘irritating’ rules, which had caused ‘abject distress.’
Firstly, 4X4 vehicle drivers, insisted that they be permitted to park freely on double yellow lines, as well as the zig-zags in front of schools. Speaking passionately, Gillian Napton of Clapham declared, ‘’It’s utterly frightful if Tilly and Tarquin are expected to walk more than two metres to the car, after an exhausting day of studies.’’ Continue reading “Middle England have tutted loudly after their request for special driving rights was dismissed”
Extensive medical research into male hearing, has left many women slightly unsurprised but bitterly disappointed nevertheless.
Studies confirm the hypothesis that hearing in men is indeed selective, or more commonly known as, ‘cocking a deafen.’ Continue reading “Science confirms men can’t listen to women talking”
With absolutely no medical or scientific expertise Stephen Hammond, the Health Secretary, has pioneered and new, common sense mental health therapy, which has achieved stunning results, at low cost and in a very short space of time.
With pioneering advancement, the ‘Conservatives Universal Natural Therapy’, leans towards a common sense approach. Patients are told to ‘lighten-up’, ‘look on the bright side’, ‘be positive’ and ‘pull yourself together’. Additionally, all patients are given a free copies of Monty Python’s ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life‘ and ‘Suicide is Painless’ the theme tune to M*A*S*H. Continue reading “A miraculous, common sense, cure for mental health issues, has been successfully rolled out by the Health Secretary with a degree in Economics”
A controversial decision to remove a group of wistful arty-types, with their accompanying offspring, from an artisan brasserie, has been met with widespread derision in middle England.
After three hours, having purchased only one skinny soya latte and three biodegradable straws, the proprietor Giuseppe Groucho, asked the entourage to move on. Continue reading “Arty mum asked to leave a trendy coffee shop after her emancipated toddler disturbed the Wa”
Recent health survey results revealed an unexpected incentive for some women’s fitness drives.
An experienced runner, Gillian Napton, has attributed her consistent success in races, to the steady stream of hearty feedback, she receives from passing vehicles.
During her gruelling training sessions, often upwards of twenty kilometres, she admitted that she liked nothing better than a sharp horn blast or a wolf-whistle. Opening up to us she revealed, ‘’If I’m ever struggling with motivation in a race, all I think about are the warm, positive affirmations I receive, such as ‘nice pins’ or ‘you don’t get many of them for a pound’.” Continue reading “It’s the comments men make about my tits that really keeps me going, admits lady runner”