After a day of parliamentary nightmares, Ebenee May has been plagued by ghoulish visions, rattling chains and things going bump in the night. Experts have been drafted in to help Ebenee sleep at night.
The unearthly spectre of David Cameron disturbs her slumber, showing her the consequences of Christmas past. She lies awake, besieged by hostile immigrants, street riots and the Windrush generation but, owing to service cuts there’s not a police officer to help. Continue reading ““Bah! Humbug! Why can’t I sleep?” cries Ebenee May”
Loud foot stamping could be heard resonating through the Houses of Commons last night, after Father Christmas confirmed he wouldn’t be granting Theresa May anything on her Christmas Brexit wish list.
At twenty nine pages long, Theresa’s wish list appears to be too much work for Santa and it’s looking increasingly likely that Father Christmas will pass over Downing Street altogether. Continue reading “Santa’s end of year review puts Theresa on The Naughty List”
Sympathy is beginning to mount for the gathering misfortune faced by Mother Theresa May.
As she wanders through the hallowed halls of Westminster, she remains devout in her mission to convert anyone who will listen, to her Brexit bible. Continue reading “Mother Theresa May continues to pray for a miracle as the Devil tests the Brexit Faithful”
Fears rose amongst the Tory party, as an indistinguishable piercing sound could be heard, echoing deep within the bowels, of the PM’s Office, in the House of Commons. The cunning plan to leak key Brexit details to the press, have themselves, been cunningly leaked. Continue reading “PM Furious as plot to leak the Brexit timetable foiled, after leaked notes detailing the planned leak are leaked”
A spontaneous wave of exaggerated thigh slapping, caused mass uproar in the House of Commons, as Phillip Hammond announced that his budget plans might have to be adapted, if a no deal was reached in Brexit negotiations.
One Tory back bencher complained that the unprecedented noise not only woke him up but triggered a tinnitus flare up too. Such impromptu displays of ‘‘working class’ behaviour, were met with a restorative wave of tutting and booing. Continue reading “Shammond says austerity is over as CEO’s see an 11% increase in pay”