Air travellers are to be subjected to compulsory intelligence tests following an increase in passengers unable to understand concepts such as ‘one’ and ‘shut the fuck up’.
Ladies will be asked to choose from a number of pictures showing passengers with different quantities of cabin bags. Only those correctly identifying ‘one’ bag will be allowed to purchase tickets. Continue reading “Air travellers to have compulsory intelligence tests”
Charles Darwin has interrupted his 136-year death to correct a fundamental error in his seminal “On the Origin of Species”.
While many of Darwin’s assertions remain unquestionably true, such as religion being utterly batshit and pigeons being dinosaurs in disguise, the bearded Victorian revenant apologised for underestimating humanity’s ability to produce Brexit. Continue reading “Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin”
Prime Minister Theresa May has completed the apocalyptic online gameplay of Fallout 76 on her Xbox One to the shock discovery that it was in fact real-life Britain she was fucking with.
May, 62, made the discovery when things didn’t stop getting worse even though she had wreaked all the destructive chaos in her formidable, spidery arsenal.
Continue reading “PM completes Fallout 76 to find it’s actually Brexit”
Technology cult Apple has released this year’s must have Xmas gift, the latest version of its iSock, the Bluetooth-enabled limb lifestyle enabler that really does make you a better person than everyone else. Continue reading “Just in time for Xmas Apple unveils this year’s must have Xmas gift, the eagerly anticipated iSock X”
The debut of the first female Dr Who is uniting feminists and masculists alike in the knowledge that the Thirteenth Doctor is the best yet, or a betrayal of the fundamental artistic tenets of the series, depending on whatever opinion was already held. Continue reading “Female Dr Who finally resolves/inflames gender debate”
Worried that you may not have invested your entire disposable income for the next two decades in the right university course? Take this simple quiz to find out: Continue reading “The Chatty Chimp Good University Guide”