Air travellers are to be subjected to compulsory intelligence tests following an increase in passengers unable to understand concepts such as ‘one’ and ‘shut the fuck up’.
Ladies will be asked to choose from a number of pictures showing passengers with different quantities of cabin bags. Only those correctly identifying ‘one’ bag will be allowed to purchase tickets.
Charles Darwin has interrupted his 136-year death to correct a fundamental error in his seminal “On the Origin of Species”.
While many of Darwin’s assertions remain unquestionably true, such as religion being utterly batshit and pigeons being dinosaurs in disguise, the bearded Victorian revenant apologised for underestimating humanity’s ability to produce Brexit.
Prime Minister Theresa May has completed the apocalyptic online gameplay of Fallout 76 on her Xbox One to the shock discovery that it was in fact real-life Britain she was fucking with.
May, 62, made the discovery when things didn’t stop getting worse even though she had wreaked all the destructive chaos in her formidable, spidery arsenal.