Author: Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.

Met Police to teach cops not to get caught being racist

The Met Police is concerned about the high number of online videos showing the Police’s racial abuse of black people. It will now train officers how to not get caught being racist, in the first place.

“We are sorry that middle-class white people are upset by videos showing what it’s like to be black and live in London. Obviously, it would be much better if they hadn’t seen what we get up to.”

The Chief Constable
Wearing a loud shirt, after dark in a built up area
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Piers Morgan injures himself by falling off his High Horse

Viewers noticed a blessed silence when they tuned in to Good Morning Britain, as Piers Morgan was surprisingly absent.

The accident happened as Piers was sitting astride his High Horse. In good form, he was telling everyone why they were wrong about everything, and reminding them of how brilliant he is when suddenly, his horse bolted.

Piers takes a few days off to allow his arse to recover

Mark Francois to stand in for Boris Johnson

Following Boris Johnson’s positive test, Mark Francois is to be the next Prime Minister

Downing Street sources quickly identified the touchy-feely Boris Johnson as the super-spreader. Consequently, everyone he has had contact with has been isolated, including all cabinet ministers. Now, the search for a new leader is on.  

I always new my time would come, I’m ready to serve my country, where is my potato-peeler?

Man described by friends as ‘absolutely mental’ diagnosed as ‘a bit of a prat’

Colin Jackson, described by those who know him as, ‘absolutely mental’, ‘a complete nutter’, and ‘a right laugh’,  has been diagnosed by a leading psychiatrist as, ‘a bit of a prat’.

Professor Fraud explains, “In our clinic, we see many such cases. There is an assumption that strange behaviour in a public makes someone ‘a character’. This is false. Just because people are too nice to say anything doesn’t ever make ‘being a prat’ socially acceptable.

In my opinion he is a prat!
There is no excuse for behaving like that!

If we’re called something else no one will know we did it, says Bank

Government-funded bank rebrands so everyone forgets all the bad stuff they did

Having received unprecedented amounts of taxpayer funding and failed to make a profit for 10 years and still finished bottom of the Banking Customer Service table the Board have come up with a cunning plan.

You call that treating us fairly?
We’re very sorry, we’re not like that anymore….