Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.
It was with some trepidation that Ian and his wife Gillian began a single storey kitchen extension on their mid-terrace, Victorian property. Having had a mixed experience with builders over the years, they were understandably concerned there would be significant disruption.
Their existing kitchen was too small and they wanted to increase space by extending into the garden. Several properties in their road had already had this type of work done. Continue reading “Ian Napton was stunned to his socks when his builders did a great job, finished on time and didn’t try to shag his teenage daughter”
At Napton & Co they believe that ‘where there’s blame, there’s a claim’ and as the PPI work dries up they are looking for new things to get compensation from. Their latest money generating wheeze is to try and sue The National Lottery.
Ian Napton explains, “When people see all the adverts showing ordinary people winning life changing sums of money, they are led to believe it can happen to them too. Of course we all know it can’t, but it doesn’t stop people handing over the hard earned readies every week.” Continue reading “Have you been mis-sold a lottery ticket? Were you promised riches beyond compare? Then one legal firm thinks they can get you your money back”
Following repeated visits, by Theresa May, to Brussels to try and find some clarification of The Withdrawal Agreement the EU has agreed to try and help.
One EU spokesperson said, “The EU are not going to re-negotiate the agreement. It has been a long torturous process, made all the more difficult by us sticking to all the points we clearly set out as non-negotiable 2 years ago. We are not doing it again. Always Theresa is coming back with, can we change this? can we change that? Well, NO YOU CAN’T.” Continue reading “EU to clarify Theresa’s Withdrawal Agreement by speaking slowly and loudly”
Following on from a concerted campaign by a bunch of Guardian reading do-gooders, Greggs have decided to drag themselves into the modern age by launching a 100% Vegan sausage roll.
The new roll, made with 100% Vegan, will be available from tomorrow in all branches of Greggs. The company recommends it as best being served too hot on the outside, freezing in the middle and covered in Brown Sauce. Continue reading “Greggs, controversially, launch a 100% Vegan sausage roll”
HMV’s administrators have come up with a cunning plan to help save the beleaguered retail chain. With the assistance of the Government, HMV will now be selling gongs, medals, peerages, £14 Million Ferrying contracts and Ministerial access.
Ian Napton, of VR Administrators, explained, “We had the idea when the story broke about the government selling off peerages to try and get Theresa May’s Brexit deal through Parliament.” Continue reading “HMV’s Grift Voucher Scheme will sell peerages, financial favours, ferrying contracts and government influence as part of a daring rescue plan”
Ian Napton, parcel delivery driver, called so often at one house that he’s now been invited to join the family for Xmas dinner.
“I was really flattered to be asked. Most of the time I catch people in the bath, on the toilet or I leave parcels with the neighbours just to annoy them, but something really clicked with the Jackson family.” Continue reading “A parcel delivery driver visits the Jackson’s house so often he’s now coming for Xmas dinner”