Author: Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.
Flooding in the north

Boris sends his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire

Boris Johnson has sent his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire deal with their damp problem. Accused by his political opponents of doing more to help flood victims in Bangladesh than helping the people of South Yorkshire, immediate action was required.

Following today’s Cobra meeting the cabinet debated which Government Emergency Response would play best with Tory Voters. As Jacob Rees-Mogg said “Well as far as I can see it was entirely their own fault for living in Northern Labour constituencies. Some people are too stupid for their own good, if they had used their common-sense they would have left in their boats. If they can’t even help themselves, what’s the point of us trying to help? There’s no upside to throwing way money.”

Dancing as though nothing happened

Britain to pretend the last three years didn’t happen

Britain is to pretend that the last three years have simply not happened. It’s going to be like Bobby Ewing but without the shower scene. The adults all got together and decided enough was enough and it simply could not go on any longer.

Ian Napton explains, “We had a meeting and thought the whole thing was a complete disaster so the best thing we could do under the circumstances was to pretend it had never happened in the first place. Gillian pointed out that this was very, very British behaviour.”

Line of Duty

Line of Duty returns for 6th series with even more acronyms

LoD creator Jed Mercurio has confirmed that the series will return for a 6th series, and it will be chock full of bright new acronyms and abbreviations.

“The thing is coming up with all those acronyms series after series is the really hard part. If we put in enough random letters, everyone just sits there trying to work them out and fails to notice we just repeated the first season again and again.”

Geoffrey Cox

Boris Johnson offers Geoffrey Cox use of his personal apology template

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening, I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology after getting caught again.

Regretfully, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a very naughty boy.

On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to The Queen/ my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/ The Standards Committee/my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends’ spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife.

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