Following repeated visits, by Theresa May, to Brussels to try and find some clarification of The Withdrawal Agreement the EU has agreed to try and help.
One EU spokesperson said, “The EU are not going to re-negotiate the agreement. It has been a long torturous process, made all the more difficult by us sticking to all the points we clearly set out as non-negotiable 2 years ago. We are not doing it again. Always Theresa is coming back with, can we change this? can we change that? Well, NO YOU CAN’T.” Continue reading “EU to clarify Theresa’s Withdrawal Agreement by speaking slowly and loudly”
Following on from a concerted campaign by a bunch of Guardian reading do-gooders, Greggs have decided to drag themselves into the modern age by launching a 100% Vegan sausage roll.
The new roll, made with 100% Vegan, will be available from tomorrow in all branches of Greggs. The company recommends it as best being served too hot on the outside, freezing in the middle and covered in Brown Sauce. Continue reading “Greggs, controversially, launch a 100% Vegan sausage roll”
HMV’s administrators have come up with a cunning plan to help save the beleaguered retail chain. With the assistance of the Government, HMV will now be selling gongs, medals, peerages, £14 Million Ferrying contracts and Ministerial access.
Ian Napton, of VR Administrators, explained, “We had the idea when the story broke about the government selling off peerages to try and get Theresa May’s Brexit deal through Parliament.” Continue reading “HMV’s Grift Voucher Scheme will sell peerages, financial favours, ferrying contracts and government influence as part of a daring rescue plan”
Ian Napton, parcel delivery driver, called so often at one house that he’s now been invited to join the family for Xmas dinner.
“I was really flattered to be asked. Most of the time I catch people in the bath, on the toilet or I leave parcels with the neighbours just to annoy them, but something really clicked with the Jackson family.” Continue reading “A parcel delivery driver visits the Jackson’s house so often he’s now coming for Xmas dinner”
After leaving school Mavis was keen to pursue a career in IT but ended up working on a Broadband helpline.
“I was really keen on IT, I thought it was a fast changing, growing industry with really good career prospects and where it wouldn’t matter that I was a woman.”
She added, “My Computer Science degree should have allowed me to find a job where I could develop my skills and build a career but it never happened. After a year of applications, interviews and rejections, I was desperate so a I took a job on a Broadband helpline.” Continue reading “Is a career in IT all it’s cracked up to be?”
Two of UKIP’s leading lights, Nigel Farage and Suzanne Evans, have publicly quit UKIP after finding out the party was ‘a little bit racist’.
Apparently this came as a shock as they understood the party to be a force for enlightenment, inclusivity, change and goodness. They were, both, very disappointed to discover they were, in fact, the bad guys. Continue reading “Farage and Evans quit UKIP after discovering the party is ‘a little bit racist’”