Author: The Chatty Chump

Given his name by The Editor, for good reason although both parties refuse to speak of it. Lucky to sill have a tyre swing.

Burglar given benefits after everyone starts working from home

House burglar, Ian ‘Swiper’ Napton, has applied for State Benefits, as he is unable to work.

Following the Government’s Corona Virus response, many people are home working. Mr ‘Swipers’ is more of a ‘work from your home’ specialist, and this trend is negatively impacting his earning potential. Higher than usual rates of occupancy means it’s almost impossible for him to break in and ‘steal shit’.

Wanking from home!
I can’t go on the rob with everyone sitting at home watching Netflix, can I?

Corona Virus outbreak means we can all stop hugging each other

Millions of Brits are secretly relieved that the outbreak of the Corona Virus means they can stop hugging people they barely know.

For the last twenty years the British people have been sharing a series of ever more complex bear hugs. This unnatural invasion of personal space has left millions of people feeling, dirty, confused and exceedingly uncomfortable.

Just a simple doff of the cap is all you need