ERG announce they have finally finished their study into Europe

The European Research Group has announced the completion of their 3-year, £250,000 Government funded, study into Europe, all of it.

Project Leader and Chief Scientist, Professor Jacob Rees-Mogg, was suitably delighted at the successful completion of his academic paper. “We are delighted to reveal that after a series of studies, experiments and visits we can confirm that Europe is exactly what we thought it was in the first place. It’s full of Johnnie Foreigners.”

EU delay response to Boris as they disagree on how to tell him to F*ck Off

The EU has delayed the response to Boris Johnson’s proposals for a Withdrawal Agreement, as they cannot agree on the best way to tell him to Fuck Off.

All 27 nations are united in agreeing that his proposals were a publicity stunt in the first place and that he was never serious about coming to an agreement. However, they have become divided as to how to tell him to do one.

Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn Prorogue’s Labour Party Conference

After yet another dissenting vote led to acrimony and in-fighting, Jeremy Corbyn was fed up and pissed off with his troublesome delegates. Drawing inspiration from Boris Johnson, Jeremy decided to abandon any notion of democracy and prorogue the Labour Party Conference.

A supporter declared it as a stroke of political genius. “Once again Jeremy has stuck by his core principle of avoiding difficult decisions.”  

Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson’s apology template used again

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology after getting caught lying again.

Unfortunately, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a very naughty boy.

On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to The Queen/ my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/ my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife.

Great Democratic People's Republic of Britain

UK to be renamed ‘The Great Democratic People’s Republic of Britain’

The Government plans to make Britain more democratic by shutting down Parliament. As a result the UK will be renamed The Great Democratic People’s Republic of Britain’.

In what is being hailed as a breakthrough in ‘thinking the unthinkable’, ‘blue skying’ and ‘spinning the unspinable’ Boris justified his actions by saying, ‘The last thing we need is that bunch of muppets interfering in the Grand Plan’.