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The Crown Prince

Nasa’s Mars Opportunity Rover does a Marvin, choosing suicide as Brexit drags on

Initially, Nasa scientists were baffled as to why one of their oldest, and most successful, planetary exploration vehicles, The Mars Opportunity Rover, suddenly stopped functioning.

Following detailed investigation, they’ve determined it was afflicted by Marvin’s Syndrome, named after Marvin The Paranoid Android, a mechanically depressed robot from The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy.

Analysis showed systems failures, over-loads and glitches being reported every time news reports featured Brexit stories. Data telemetry also indicated the rover was reporting pain in all the diodes down its’ left side.  Continue reading “Nasa’s Mars Opportunity Rover does a Marvin, choosing suicide as Brexit drags on”

Daily Express Editor dies after suffering a prolonged orgasm, brought on by the arrival of winter snow in the UK

Ian Napton, an Editor at the Daily Express, passed away after reports came in of significant snowfalls in Northern England, with some significant accumulations even in low lying areas and drifting in more exposed parts.

After years of predicting significant and disruptive snowfalls across the country, the strain of being right, just once, was too much for Mr Napton’s heart to take. Continue reading “Daily Express Editor dies after suffering a prolonged orgasm, brought on by the arrival of winter snow in the UK”

Prince Philip crashes his car doing the Bird Box challenge

Managing to avoid killing himself or anyone else, Prince Philip made a pigs ear of the Bird Box Challenge, after his Land Rover careered into a Ford Kia.

It’s believed that Phil and Liz watched the hit Netflix horror movie on the night before the accident. They like to keep abreast of modern trends, and had noted the Bird Box Challenge was popular on the Internet.  Continue reading “Prince Philip crashes his car doing the Bird Box challenge”

The winner of this years, Worst Celebrity Baby Name goes to Prestige Gazebos

Every year celebrities have competed in an annual competition to come up with the most outlandish name for their offspring. Moon Unit and Heavenly Hurani were notable examples of this worrying trend.

In recent years, with the growth of social media and the need to generate headlines, articles and controversial debate for the armies of talking heads, they’ve gone a bit overboard.

Notable celebrity baby names now include; Pirate, Rebel, Audio Science, Legume, Banjo, Moxie Crimefighter, Psychosis Smith, Apple, Pear, Star-Fruit, Pilot Inspector and IKhyd U Knot. Continue reading “The winner of this years, Worst Celebrity Baby Name goes to Prestige Gazebos”

NHS turns to Shamen, spiritualists and colour therapists to ease the post-Brexit staffing crisis

Facing a drastic shortfall in post-Brexit, NHS, staffing levels, the Government have released details of their contingency planning. Hospital staff  numbers will be boosted by a range of alternative therapists such as Shamen, Spiritualists, Faith Healers, Homeopaths and Reflexologists.

The NHS also plans to turn existing ‘contemplation and worship spaces’ into dedicated, cutting edge, ‘Thoughts & Prayers (T&P)’ treatment centres. Continue reading “NHS turns to Shamen, spiritualists and colour therapists to ease the post-Brexit staffing crisis”

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