Homeless Man

Homeless Southend man forced to eat in Starbucks

A homeless man was made to eat in Southend branch of Starbucks after a well-wisher forced food on him.

Ian Napton was sitting quietly outside his local Starbucks, cap on the floor and a small dog at his side when a well-meaning member of the public stopped for a chat. After a few moments, the Good Samaritan offered to buy Ian some food.

Doctor confirms patient doesn’t have dementia, he’s just thick

Ian Napton (57) visited his Doctor after friends, family and work colleagues became worried about his declining mental health. Concerns were raised after he announced he had voted for Brexit, which surprised many, including his French wife Gillian.

They decided to keep a close eye on him and soon started noticing small but significant changes in Ian’s behaviour. He seemed unable to follow simple instructions, operate the hoover, make a cup of tea, or remember it was his round. He was confused by simple TV programmes such as Colombo, Strictly and Britain’s Got Talent.

Last Night of The Proms EU flag waving contagious claim Brexiteers

Brexiteers have flooded the BBC with complaints after noticing that the Last Night of The Proms was awash with concert goers waving Blue EU Flags.

In a concert featuring music from some of Europe’s greatest composers and played by a multi-national orchestra Brexiteers thought this was another BBC Remainer plot.

Rationing introduced to limit Brexit references to a maximum of 3 per week

Following the Prime Minister’s closure of Parliament on the grounds that he has had enough of Democracy and this Brexit nonsense, he’s introducing a Brexit Rationing scheme.

Everyone will be issued with a Ration Book, limiting Brexit references to three a week. Once a Brexit reference has been used the book will need stamping and, after three goes no further use of Brexit is allowed.  

Trump to ban cakes made with a Mother’s Love as trade war escalates

Donald Trump is to ban cakes made with love in retaliation for the exclusion of chlorine washed chicken.

The row is undermining the future US-UK trade deal. Regarding the UK as very vulnerable, the American President was hoping to off load any old shite on to the UK market. However, when our politicians balked at trying to sell rotting chicken to British shoppers The Trumpster was furious.