Scientists, working at Cretinous College, Camford, have solved one of science’s greatest mysteries, Why is chocolate milk brown?
After a series of trials, much money and a completely fortuitous observation by one of the cleaners, scientists confirmed that chocolate milk gets its colour from Brown cows. Continue reading “Chocolate Milk comes from Brown Cows say scientists”
Protestors were out in force, in Central London, in protest at the number of protest marches being held in the city.
The campaign started after the latest protest march caused some inconvenience to city folk. Londoners decided they had had enough, and formed their own protest group. Shortly afterwards, they took to the streets, in a largely peaceful protest. Continue reading “Protestors protesting about Protest Marches run into counter protest”
Air travellers are to be subjected to compulsory intelligence tests following an increase in passengers unable to understand concepts such as ‘one’ and ‘shut the fuck up’.
Ladies will be asked to choose from a number of pictures showing passengers with different quantities of cabin bags. Only those correctly identifying ‘one’ bag will be allowed to purchase tickets. Continue reading “Air travellers to have compulsory intelligence tests”
It’s Homeopathy! The results are finally in, the science of woo has won the referendum. Following a hard fought, bitter, campaign that saw a lot of strong emotional appeals, Britain has today committed to inalienably altering its attempts to combat heart disease.
The Conservative MP, Lloyd Duncan, explained, “Clearly we, elected members of parliament, were unqualified to decide such a complex matter as the future of heart disease treatment in this country and so, in accordance with modern traditions, we have laid out a range of options before the people in the form of a referendum.” Continue reading “Unalterable People’s Vote means homeopathy will be used to treat Heart Disease”
Fighters at WTF Wrestling have been queuing up at Birmingham Primark in order to hone key combat skills.
Wrestling coaches were amazed at the strength, speed and physical co-ordination shown by bargain hunting Primark shoppers. They also found Primark customers power to weight ratio presented their wrestlers with a “bloody good workout“. Continue reading “WTF Wrestlers work out at Primark”
Toshitone Ltd has been valued, by The City, at £100 billion pounds. Investors are queuing up to give their money to the innovative car company, at its stock market launch.
Having revolutionised the funeral business, with their self driving hearses, and cornered the automated Pizza and Cocaine delivery market, things are on the up for the company. Continue reading “Toshitone Ltd has a stock market value of £100 Billion but hasn’t made a profit in 10 years”