Monkey Business

Terrorists think attacking Prince Andy will harm their reputation

Prince Andrew’s personal protection squad has been withdrawn after terrorists claim he’s too toxic to bother with.

The Security Services provides personal protection when members of the Royal Household are considered ‘at risk’ from terrorist groups, or unstable members of the public. If an attack emanates from within the Royal Family they are, traditionally, left to their own devices. 

Why does nobody love me anymore?

Greggs to produce Gwyneth Paltrow flavoured muffins

Following the success of her Lady Garden scented candle, Gwyneth Paltrow has announced a partnership with Greggs the Bakers to produce a range of fragrant muffins.

Gwyneth Paltrow's Muff at Greggs
Dive in boys, there is enough for everyone

The muffins will release a scent based on Ms Paltrow’s unique biology and are described as having a fresh, yeasty flavour.

Nom, Nom, Nom I love the taste of muff

Harry and Meghan withdraw from full time Royalling

Palace officials have confirmed that Her Majesty is “disappointed” at The Duke and Duchess of Sussex withdrawing from full-time Royalling.

The announcement of Harry and Meghan’s decision to give up their senior roles in the Firm and to seek their own route to financial independence, whilst splitting their time between the UK and North America, has led the world to speculate on how they might achieve this.

Get your H&M branded TAT HERE! 2 FOR A pOUND

Boris admits soldiers will die in Iraq but it's a sacrifice he's willing to make

Heroic Boris Johnson admits British Soldiers will die in the Middle-East but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. albeit not personally.

“Be under no illusion, I am prepared to do anything Donald Trump wants me to do, be it selling contaminated food, giving him the NHS or allowing young northerners to die horribly, thousands of miles from home. It’s a sacrifice I am willing to make, in order to get a trade deal and because he’s my real daddy.”

Boris Johnson
Donald says of course he will still love me in the morning!
Bombs away!