Monkey Business

M&S shares rise sharply as middle-aged man goes on his bi-annual shopping spree

A middle-aged British man faced up to the horror of his biennial clothes shopping trip today.

Ian Napton, from Wiltshire, headed for his local branch of Marks and Spencer for a wallet-emptying day of buying safe, unfashionable shirts, jeans, chinos, a dressing gown and a new pair of slippers.

Continue reading “M&S shares rise sharply as middle-aged man goes on his bi-annual shopping spree”

Top Shop live up to their name with their new catalogue

Top Shop, this week, reveal their revolutionary new lines. Under the guidance of the exciting young designer, Tara Tara, they have revolutionised their range and gambled on significant changes in fashion.

Mayanna Schmidt, Top Shop’s social media liaison and key influencer, said, “Over the last couple of years we’ve seen that nationalism, patriotism, the military and the super-rich privileged elite have become on trend. Our new range reflects these changes in key social values.”  Continue reading “Top Shop live up to their name with their new catalogue”

Department Store accidently hires Satan for this year’s Christmas Grotto

Due to an unfortunate spelling error, House of Frasier has accidently hired Satan, Lord of Evil, Devourer of Worlds and Harvester of Souls to dish out the Christmas presents to all the little children.

Unfortunately the mistake happened when a dyslexic intern was charged with booking Santa and his little helpers. When the agency returned the contracts, she didn’t realise they’d mis-spelled Santa, and they’d contractually booked Satan.  Continue reading “Department Store accidently hires Satan for this year’s Christmas Grotto”

Gwyneth and her company, Gloop, win The Nobel Prize for sciencing

The world of science and academia was stunned when the Nobel Prize for sciencing was awarded to Gwyneth Paltrow and her company, Gloop. The prize was awarded for their improvements to the scientific process, by making stuff up and not testing it to see if it works.

Many in sciencing thought the prize would go to someone who actually practiced scientific methodology, contributed to the greater good, and added to humanity’s body of knowledge. Continue reading “Gwyneth and her company, Gloop, win The Nobel Prize for sciencing”

Help us raise money for this year’s Children in Tweed appeal

The Chatty Chimp is proud to help raise funds for this year’s Children-in Tweed appeal.

Every year thousands of middle and upper class children are missing out, as their parents are unable to avoid bespoke tailored tweed suits. This leaves the children at risk of bullying, exclusion and ridicule from their Peer group.  Continue reading “Help us raise money for this year’s Children in Tweed appeal”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd