Monkey Business

Gays get stoned but not in a good way

Stoned to death

Following on from Facebook’s appointment of Nick Clegg, other despotic personality cults have been looking to employ ex-leaders of the Liberal Democrats.

Their former leader Tim Farron, has resurfaced after laying low for a while. Now unexpectedly employed as the Home Secretary in Brunei, his centrepiece policy decision “Gays to be stoned to death” was unveiled by his new boss, The Sultan, yesterday. Continue reading “Gays get stoned but not in a good way”

Architectural award goes to a field covered in tarmac

Architectural award for tarmac covered field

Consternation in Eastbourne as an exciting new arts and theatre complex wins the countries top architectural prize. The award of The Napton, given to the new building or installation that best exemplifies use of material and space in a contemporary setting; is seen as a major endorsement of the council’s controversial £320 Million cultural hub project. 

However, critics, Philistines and other illiterati, claim this is the council wasting the people’s money, once again. There was much local opposition to the Mayor’s vanity project. Continue reading “Architectural award goes to a field covered in tarmac”

Grayling Airways flight to Dusseldorf lands at Edinburgh Airport

Edinburgh Airport

Fully a week before April Fool’s Day, Grayling Airways surprised their passengers today by landing a plane in the wrong country and welcoming passengers to their unintended destination.

Eyebrows were quickly raised after touchdown when a Grayling aircraft with call sign G-OHNO taxied towards the terminal at Edinburgh Airport and a large “Welcome to Edinburgh” sign hoved into view. Continue reading “Grayling Airways flight to Dusseldorf lands at Edinburgh Airport”

Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS

Neanderthal Skeleton undergoing an ATOS interview

Neanderthal, Jan Naptonmann, was declared fit for work after ATOS undertook an ‘At Home’ inspection of the 150,000  year old, Welsh resident.

Although, the DWP acknowledge his wide range of health problems, they say they aren’t a barrier to him getting a job. The Inspector feels withdrawing benefits would give Jan the motivation he needs to find employment. Continue reading “Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS”

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