Monkey Business

Major international row breaks out over Fukall

Fukall

A major diplomatic contre temps has broken out over the disputed territory of Fukall*. Situated in the Atlantic, some 260 miles west of The Western Isles the uninhabitable volcanic rocky island is at the centre of an almighty row about Fukall.

Originally the dispute over Fukall started in 1955, when Britain claimed the territory as their own. This was challenged by Ireland, Denmark and Iceland all of whom felt they had a better claim to Fukall.

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The Tory leadership race – brought to you by Coke

Coke brings you the Tory leadership campaign

Members of the Conservative Party have set out on the task to decide which Leadership candidate’s drug habit will be most valuable in identifying the right man or woman to become Prime Minister and get us out of the beastly EU.

Michael Gove has admitted to taking cocaine at social events “whilst a young journalist.” Boris Johnson has admitted to “being given coke at a party, but I didn’t take it.” Dominic Raab believes in a “second chance society.” Well he would. He has a cannabis history. Rory Stewart is a cannabis and opium man, too. Continue reading “The Tory leadership race – brought to you by Coke”

For Sale – The NHS, 63 Million previous users, good runner, needs TLC and cash

NHS Doctor

In this week’s classified section, following on from some recent interest from an American buyer, we are pleased to offer the NHS for sale.

As to the vehicle itself, it’s a bit of a classic, built in 1948 its designers took advantage of the post war enthusiasm for looking after each other. Unfortunately, over the years it has had some tough running. Many of its previous owners have not kept up the regular maintenance and as such the service history is a bit patchy. Continue reading “For Sale – The NHS, 63 Million previous users, good runner, needs TLC and cash”

Maggie Thatcher returns to stand in the Tory Leadership Race

Maggie's back

Appalled at the quality of the current candidates, and their frequent references to ‘what she would have done’, Maggie Thatcher has decided to return from the dead and stand for election as Leader of the Conservative Party.

This highly unusual step is being taken as the pool of potential leaders is considered to be, ‘the worst in living memory‘. Her supporters insist Maggie can once again unite the country, even if it’s in unadulterated hatred.
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Desperate Migrants hauled from The Channel and returned to Birmingham

Catch that migrant, catch him now

More Migrants have been caught in the middle of the English Channel and have been returned to Birmingham

Today a joint operation between the Police and the Border Force captured three boats full of migrants desperate to flee the UK. The families were taken back to shore, where they were placed in police custody. They are expected to be returned to their homes, in Birmingham sometime tomorrow. Continue reading “Desperate Migrants hauled from The Channel and returned to Birmingham”

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