The BBC’s Royal Correspondent, Ian Napton, is reportedly near death after yet another Royal Wedding.
Sources have revealed that the veteran broadcaster has expressed so much ejaculate whilst covering this year’s Weddings and Birth’s that he has almost no fluid left in his body. He exists as little more than a desiccated husk.
Continue reading “BBC Correspondent almost spaff’ed to death after latest Royal Wedding”
St Credulous College are offering a 3 year degree course in Game of Thrones. The prestigious university has taken this unusual step in order to address criticism that it wasn’t admitting less able students, from poorer backgrounds. Continue reading “St Credulous College is to offer a degree in Game of Thrones”
Cerberus, the viscous three headed guardian of the underworld has taken over as Head Receptionist at Birmingham’s busy Gwyneth Paltrow GP Surgery.
Dr Ian Napton defended the radical appointment “With the Government’s health service cuts, GP lists are too long. In order to fit in golf and holidays we need to ensure Doctor’s see the fewest number of people. The Receptionist plays a key role in keeping patients out of the surgery with only the most determined getting an appointment.” Continue reading “Cerberus becomes head receptionist at a busy Doctors Surgery”
While congratulations have poured in from around the world for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex on the birth of their son, the reaction at home has been low key by comparison.
Ian Napton, a commuter from Eastbourne and taxpayer, said, “This is going to cost the country money inevitably – money I’d rather see spent on making the railways work, the hospitals better funded, or even the potholes repaired in my street. I don’t really care about the Royals, if I’m honest. Princess Kate is quite pretty, I suppose. There’s no way that Hooray Henry of a husband of hers would have pulled her if he hadn’t been able to ask her if she fancied being the Queen.” Continue reading “Taxpayer stunned to indifference over the new Royal baby”
Conservatives faced their biggest backlash yet, when a hat stand won by a landslide, in the Tandridge district local elections.
Demoralized Tandridge locals, used their ballot papers, to emphasise their seething mistrust in Tory tactics, by favouring an inanimate object, claiming it was at least ‘fit for purpose.’ Continue reading “Hat Stand wins seat on council in local election”