The government has declared that tomorrow’s, as yet unpublished Brexit Report, is out of date.
The report, signed off by senior civil servants, makes it clear that a No Deal Brexit will be damaging to the UK economy and put lives at risk. Experts from all sides agreed the report was accurate ‘as far as it goes’ but that the reality will be much worse.
Nothing to see here, move along now!
Search and Rescue helicopter called out to find missing
Edinburgh Festival journalist.
A Guardian journalist has now been missing for 3 days and
local police have upgraded their alert status from critical to pretentious.
Save the illiterati
Yesterday Jeremy Corbyn issued a letter formally announcing his candidacy for the position of Tory Party Leader.
In what his supporters labelled as a cunning and daring move, Mr Corbyn has decided to enter the contest long after the winner was crowned. His fans claim he is both the master of the long game and a daring and revolutionary political genius.
To be the king!
We have launched a new feature, here at Chatty Chimp – Reviews
One of our writers has started writing comedy reviews for Fringe Review. Nice work if you can get it. Anyway it started us thinking, why don’t we do something similar?
We are keen to get people writing. you don’t have to been an experienced writer or reviewer to send something in. Just care about what you’ve seen and have a desire to tell others to see it too!
More words here!
For the fortieth year running, education chiefs have announced that A Level and GCSE exam pass rates have increased yet again.
The A Level pass rate is now up to 94.5689% and the GCSE pass rate sits at 92.456128%.
The annual increase in exam pass rates has become a cause for some controversy as older people fail to understand that every year the intelligence of pupils and ability of teachers increases. Continue reading “Once again A Level results are the best ever”
Britain’s newest and most up-and-coming magician is wowing them in the Shires and Backbenches. Not since the legendary Paul Daniels had Britain seen a trick like this one.
Known as Saj The Maj, he’s magically finding money for everyone, so his act is terribly popular. “Old magic doesn’t set pulses racing any more,” he told us. “Sleight of hand has been seen through. It’s just basic dishonesty when you strip the Manifesto policy wordings away, and people want more. Previous magicians have exhausted the old ‘pulling a rabbit out of a hat’ routine, too, so I needed something new. I looked at this old tree in the garden at the back of my new house and thought, hmm, a money tree. The previous bloke who lived here talked a lot about money tree policy, and now I understand what he was on about. I’ve built my act around it.”
Roll Up! Roll Up!