Monkey News

All the news from Monkey Island

Met Office to reboot Stonehenge as part of IT upgrade

Met Office plans to upgrade their weather forecasting technology by rebooting Stonehenge.

The current IT system, at Weather Towers, has become obsolete so the Met Office has looked for other cost-effective method for mis-predicting the weather. An initial quote of £1.2B for a new supercomputer was discounted as too expensive. One novel approach was to reboot Stonehenge.

The stone is wet, it must be raining!

Jeremy Clarkson comes out as a Caravaneer

The latest celebrity to join the ‘coming out’ trend is Jeremy Clarkson, who stunned some people when he took to breakfast TV to publicly admitted his love of caravans.

In his statement, he revealed his life long passion for all things caravany. “It has always been an obsession of mine. When I was a kid I fell in love with the damn things, the way they swayed in a light breeze, let in the rain on a sunny day and held up all the traffic on the A303. Bliss!”

“It’s their beauty, elegance and complete uselessness that does it for” says JC

All Hail Ming The Merciless, Emperor

Sajid Javid, the outgoing Chancellor of the Exchequer, has been thrown under the Boris Bus.

In an audacious move by Dominic Cummings, all advisers at the Treasury are to be sacked and all official advice to the Prime Minister will come from a new “joint” team of advisers in Downing Street, provided that they agree with Mr Cummings. If they don’t, well, they can always feel the tread of the tyres as it rolls over them.

The Evil Puppet Master
Cumming The Merciless, ruler of country