Monkey News

All the news from Monkey Island

Government ruse extends Cummings garden by 250 miles

Faced with allegations of double-standards, hypocrisy and one rule for the rich, the Government have moved heaven and earth to protect Dominic Cummings from further criticism.

Boris Johnson’s chief political adviser and close personal friend, undertook a 250-mile journey to Durham to dump his 4-year-old child with his ageing parents. Given that Dominic and his wife were likely to be Corona Virus positive, this journey broke the law he helped design.

Have you seen the state of my dhalia’s?

Quarantined footballer discovers a book

During the Corona Virus lockdown, many people have become bored watching TV, Netflix and endless YouTube videos. By happenchance, Manchester United’s star striker, Ian Napton, has discovered a book.

The incident occurred when his Chiropodist came around to pamper his tootsies. As she set up her oils and unguents, she took the book from her bag and placed it to one side.

But what happens next?