Brexit

Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin has interrupted his 136-year death to correct a fundamental error in his seminal “On the Origin of Species”.

While many of Darwin’s assertions remain unquestionably true, such as religion being utterly batshit and pigeons being dinosaurs in disguise, the bearded Victorian revenant apologised for underestimating humanity’s ability to produce Brexit. Continue reading “Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin”

RIP – Dr Flying Focks, the man who sent Theresa May to conga round The Congo

Sadly, Britain’s lost one of our most anonymous, and least effective, front-line politicians, Dr Flying Focks.

Dr Focks graduated from the University of Glasgow, a feat in itself. After qualifying as a GP, he felt better suited to a career in politics, rather than one where he actually helped people. Continue reading “RIP – Dr Flying Focks, the man who sent Theresa May to conga round The Congo”

Plucky English housewife, Mrs May, calls out the AA after her car breaks down during her Grand Tour of Europe

Like many middle-aged people Mrs May dreamt of the holiday of a life-time and spent two years planning her Grande Aventura. She arranged the perfect trip calling in on the  historic and cultural centres of Europe.

The car of choice was a vintage Jaguar. It was once a byword for power, elegance and an iconic example of British engineering. Although a pleasure to drive, it wasn’t noted for its reliability. Sensibly, she signed up for the AA’s, European Breakdown Assistance. Continue reading “Plucky English housewife, Mrs May, calls out the AA after her car breaks down during her Grand Tour of Europe”

University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee

The three year degree course will cover all of the key jobs, and skills, currently undertaken by economic migrants; Fruit-Picking, waiting tables, home and office cleaning, coffee server, caring for the elderly, hospital porter, taxi-driver, hod carrier and sex worker. Continue reading “University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee”

Mass assassination attempt on the lives of Mogg, Gove, Hunt, Johnson and Farrage after they all receive gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury

Special Branch have been called in, following an orchestrated attempt to endanger the lives of leading political figures and Nigel Farrage. The prominent politicians received, by post, ‘All you can eat’ gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury.

Reminiscent of the Night of the Long Knives the attack has been described as, “An unacceptable threat to our democracy” by Tory Brexiteers, and a “Bloody good start” by the rest of the country. Continue reading “Mass assassination attempt on the lives of Mogg, Gove, Hunt, Johnson and Farrage after they all receive gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury”

Groovy Gang, Theresa and the May ‘B’ Knots get down to the funky ‘No Deal’ disco beat with their new single, Operation Clawhammer

Theresa’s Toe-tapping funksters have decided they are no longer prepared to dance to the Europop beat. Theresa and the May ‘B’ Knots have come up with a new, funky, disco style, “Clawhammer”. The sound of which has been likened to the screaming heard, when you repeatedly smash yourself in the face with a “Clawhammer”. Groupies confirmed this rhythmical, high pitched screaming style has been under development for the last two years.

Continue reading “Groovy Gang, Theresa and the May ‘B’ Knots get down to the funky ‘No Deal’ disco beat with their new single, Operation Clawhammer”

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