Brexit

All Social Media posts will have to be ‘Police Approved’

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Approved for use on Social Media

As the right to be offended brigade swings into action the Government has announced that all Social Media posts require Police approval. The increasing number of people who have become upset after seeing something on the Internet has reached epidemic proportions.  

In order to meet the additional workload, The Police Service are diverting officers from proper police work, like catching; TV Licence dodgers, speeding footballers, Wetherspoon drinkers and the homeless. Now they will ensure that no-one is in the least bit offended by some asinine comment posted on social media.

go on, You know you want to!

RIP – Dr Flying Focks, the man who sent Theresa May to conga round The Congo

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Sadly, Britain’s lost one of our most anonymous, and least effective, front-line politicians, Dr Flying Focks.

Dr Focks graduated from the University of Glasgow, a feat in itself. After qualifying as a GP, he felt better suited to a career in politics, rather than one where he actually helped people. Continue reading “RIP – Dr Flying Focks, the man who sent Theresa May to conga round The Congo”

Plucky English housewife, Mrs May, calls out the AA after her car breaks down during her Grand Tour of Europe

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Like many middle-aged people Mrs May dreamt of the holiday of a life-time and spent two years planning her Grande Aventura. She arranged the perfect trip calling in on the  historic and cultural centres of Europe.

The car of choice was a vintage Jaguar. It was once a byword for power, elegance and an iconic example of British engineering. Although a pleasure to drive, it wasn’t noted for its reliability. Sensibly, she signed up for the AA’s, European Breakdown Assistance. Continue reading “Plucky English housewife, Mrs May, calls out the AA after her car breaks down during her Grand Tour of Europe”

University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee

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The three year degree course will cover all of the key jobs, and skills, currently undertaken by economic migrants; Fruit-Picking, waiting tables, home and office cleaning, coffee server, caring for the elderly, hospital porter, taxi-driver, hod carrier and sex worker. Continue reading “University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee”

Mass assassination attempt on the lives of Mogg, Gove, Hunt, Johnson and Farrage after they all receive gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury

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Special Branch have been called in, following an orchestrated attempt to endanger the lives of leading political figures and Nigel Farrage. The prominent politicians received, by post, ‘All you can eat’ gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury.

Reminiscent of the Night of the Long Knives the attack has been described as, “An unacceptable threat to our democracy” by Tory Brexiteers, and a “Bloody good start” by the rest of the country. Continue reading “Mass assassination attempt on the lives of Mogg, Gove, Hunt, Johnson and Farrage after they all receive gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury”

Groovy Gang, Theresa and the May ‘B’ Knots get down to the funky ‘No Deal’ disco beat with their new single, Operation Clawhammer

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Theresa’s Toe-tapping funksters have decided they are no longer prepared to dance to the Europop beat. Theresa and the May ‘B’ Knots have come up with a new, funky, disco style, “Clawhammer”. The sound of which has been likened to the screaming heard, when you repeatedly smash yourself in the face with a “Clawhammer”. Groupies confirmed this rhythmical, high pitched screaming style has been under development for the last two years.

Continue reading “Groovy Gang, Theresa and the May ‘B’ Knots get down to the funky ‘No Deal’ disco beat with their new single, Operation Clawhammer”

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