Have you been mis-sold a Brexit? You may have a claim!

Have you spent countless hours in pointless Brexit debates? Did your friends and relatives desert you? How come you managed to enrage complete strangers with, or without provocation? Were you injured or distressed as a result of arguing about something you only had half the facts for? Admit it, you typed messages in BLOCK CAPITALS, didn’t you?

Are your friends as sick of Brexit as you are? Did you vote Brexit and not really expect anything to change? Or, Did you vote remain and spend the last three years toting about an over-inflated sense of educational and moral superiority?

ERG announce they have finally finished their study into Europe

The European Research Group has announced the completion of their 3-year, £250,000 Government funded, study into Europe, all of it.

Project Leader and Chief Scientist, Professor Jacob Rees-Mogg, was suitably delighted at the successful completion of his academic paper. “We are delighted to reveal that after a series of studies, experiments and visits we can confirm that Europe is exactly what we thought it was in the first place. It’s full of Johnnie Foreigners.”

EU delay response to Boris as they disagree on how to tell him to F*ck Off

The EU has delayed the response to Boris Johnson’s proposals for a Withdrawal Agreement, as they cannot agree on the best way to tell him to Fuck Off.

All 27 nations are united in agreeing that his proposals were a publicity stunt in the first place and that he was never serious about coming to an agreement. However, they have become divided as to how to tell him to do one.

The Mystery Machine

“I’d have gotten away with it were it not for those pesky kids!” cries Boris

Circus and funhouse manager Bozo Johnson claims he would have gotten away with his dastardly plan if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids.

We had it all sorted, I’d pretended to be a ghost and made the sweet old lady think that she was helping by giving me the keys to the castle. Jacob and the rest of my gang scared everyone out of the House of Horrors. Our plan had worked perfectly, we were all set to clean up and no one knew a thing, then along came those pesky kids.”