Monkey Life

Telling stories about everyday monkey life

Frustrated housewife buried under an avalanche of empty toilet roll tubes

Near fatal toilet roll accident

A south London woman has been found safe and well, though slightly seething, after being reported missing by her husband. 

Fears for Gillian Napton grew, when her husband Ian discovered the Sunday roast had failed to emerge at it’s usual time, post golf game. 

Reliving the ordeal, Ian Napton told us, ‘Alarm bells rang, once I got home, arguably a tad late, to radio silence and an empty oven.’ 

Continue reading “Frustrated housewife buried under an avalanche of empty toilet roll tubes”

Devastation as a nice couple adopt Bouncer, the psychotic Labrador

Bad Labrador

A Hampshire couple are having their sanity tested to destruction by a newly arrived Hungarian rescue dog. 

Peter and Mary Davies, from Fareham, adopted a two year old Labrador cross last week. “He’s an utter nutter, a total mentalist,” Peter told us. “He destroyed all the beds and toys which belonged to our previous dog within half an hour of arriving, and Mary can’t get off the settee without him trying to hump her. He barks at everything and has taken a special dislike to Gary on Coronation Street. I don’t know if we’ll be able to get the carpets clean again.”

More about Bouncer

White Middle-Aged Atheist manages to go a whole day without being a racist di*k

Middle aged white not racist

A Middle-Aged, White, Working-Class, Atheist has managed to navigate his way through a large, ethnically diverse, capital city without succumbing to murdering people he didn’t like.

Daniel Napton (54), from Hastings, spent the day quietly going about his business in London without so much as a thought of acting on racial, misogynistic or homophobic prejudices because, as it turns out, he doesn’t actually have any. Continue reading “White Middle-Aged Atheist manages to go a whole day without being a racist di*k”

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