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A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology

Boris caught out again

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology about using my newspaper column to promote my own interests using information I knew to be made up

Regretfully, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a naughty boy.

On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/  my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife. Continue reading “A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology”

Australian wins the 2010 Hide and Seek World Championship

Hide and Seek Champion

Finally a winner has been declared in the 2010 Hide and Seek, World Championships. The Gold Medal has been awarded to Julian from Australia.

Julian was philosophical about his win. “Obviously you train hard for this. There are long hours spent hiding under the bed or the living under the stairs. It’s serious practice and dedication to learn the art of creeping. I’ve lost track of how many nights I spent delivering boxes of Milk Tray to random women.Continue reading “Australian wins the 2010 Hide and Seek World Championship”

Delay to Brexit allow’s politicians to have their summer holiday in peace

Delay means holiday in Provence
The latest Brexit delay finally produces something our politicians can agree on, six weeks in Provence during the summer is eminently agreeable.
Members of the ERG, moderate Tories, Lib Dems, the Scottish lot and even The Speaker rushed online in the middle of the night to secure their preferred gite and ferry crossings as the Brexit deadline was extended to 31 October. Labour members booked their usual week in Scarborough.

Continue reading “Delay to Brexit allow’s politicians to have their summer holiday in peace”

For Sale; Britain, one careful lady owner and a sh*t one

For Sale, one careless lady owner

Great Britain has been bought on eBay for £10.50, by a Mr D Trump of Orange County, Florider.

The Advert read; For Sale; One country, slightly soiled, leans a bit to the right, dodgy runner. Feels a bit unloved and uncared for. She was an absolute stunner in her day. One careful lady owner for the last 65 years and a shit one for three. Nice retirement project for a handy pensioner who can fix things. Buyer collects. Continue reading “For Sale; Britain, one careful lady owner and a sh*t one”

Miss Marple’s MP makes daring bid to lead Brexit negotiations

Miss Marple St Mary Mead

The new MP for St Mary Mead, the fictional setting of many of Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple novels, has set out a bold new platform on which he aims to catapult himself into the heart of the ongoing Brexit negotiations.

Mr Colin Woolderson, who has held the seat since 1893, when he won it in a game of Gin Rummy, announced his plans to the Chipping Cleghorn Gazette, “I have spoken to many of my constituents and what they want is much much less murder. After that, they’d like to maybe get rid of that nosy old bag who’s always poking around. Finally, we think it’s high time we decided what kind of Brexit we want.” Continue reading “Miss Marple’s MP makes daring bid to lead Brexit negotiations”

A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology

An apology from Boris

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology. 

Regretfully, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a naughty boy.

On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/  my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife. Continue reading “A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology”

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