Monkey News

All the news from Monkey Island

Wombles run rampant on Wimbledon Common

Womble numbers are rapidly increasing after the cancellation of the Wimbledon Tennis Tournament reduced the demand for tennis balls.

The covering of traditional tennis balls is made from the scrotums of prepubescent wombles. Reduced demand for tennis balls has resulted in more male wombles reaching breeding age “intact” and therefore… more wombles.

New Balls Please

Apple are the big winners as Huawei lose Voice of God contract

God has booted Huawei out of the Voice of God network.

The Voice of God network is out of date and in need of an upgrade. In the relentless battle for likes, clicks and followers, billions of people are using the social media “Pray For …” channels and the system can’t cope. This means Heaven needs to upgrade to Big G.

It was a very tempting offer, says God