This week, Chatty is going to be taking a look at procrastination. Not today, obviously. Probably later in the week, or maybe next week. Yes, next week sounds better.
We recognise the cost suffered by chimps, people, businesses and the economy as a whole as a result of unnecessary delays, and we’re pleased to announce that we’re going to be hosting a conference on the subject in 2021.
Read this later! Whenever!
Economists are wailing as the Pound continues to plummet against every other currency in the world.
Ian Napton, a currency trader, told us, “I don’t even need my lucky coin toss for this one. I just bet on the Pound going down and collect my winnings at the end of the day.”
The Pound is now officially the worst performing major currency in the world over the past 24 hours, over the past month, over the past three months and over the past year, an achievement Michel Barnier couldn’t have conjured up in his wettest of dreams.
Find out more about pobble beads, here!
A modern day philanthropist was left feeling thwarted and ‘invalidated’, after her mission to ‘educate the less fortunate, fell upon deaf ears.’
Self-appointed eco-empath, Olivia Napton’s pilgrimage to the depths of South London, ended abruptly, when she was shockingly told to ‘go forth and multiply, you smeggy do-gooder.’
You’re all doing it wrong!
A south London woman has been found safe and well, though slightly seething, after being reported missing by her husband.
Fears for Gillian Napton grew, when her husband Ian discovered the Sunday roast had failed to emerge at it’s usual time, post golf game.
Reliving the ordeal, Ian Napton told us, ‘Alarm bells rang, once I got home, arguably a tad late, to radio silence and an empty oven.’
Continue reading “Frustrated housewife buried under an avalanche of empty toilet roll tubes”
The House of Commons has decided that the law of the UK
should apply to all the country.
In, what is widely seen as Theresa May’s last ‘F**k You!’ to
the DUP, Parliament voted to legalise gay marriage in the province. This brings
Northern Ireland in line with other religious fundamentalist states such as
For God’s Sake!
Donald Trump has responded to accusations, contained in an email
sent by Britain’s top diplomat, that he is inept.
In a tweet, The President explained that he wasn’t in Ept, furthermore he had never been to Ept, he’d never heard of Ept and it was the last place he would ever ‘fuckin’’ go, he doesn’t even like pyramids. Before adding that this appears to be more Fake News, designed to put him ‘in Dutch’ with his wife.
Fake News, fAKE nEWS screams baby