Monkey News

All the news from Monkey Island

PM Furious as plot to leak the Brexit timetable foiled, after leaked notes detailing the planned leak are leaked

Theresa May fails Geograph

Fears rose amongst the Tory party, as an indistinguishable piercing sound could be heard, echoing deep within the bowels, of the PM’s Office, in the House of Commons. The cunning plan to leak key Brexit details to the press, have themselves, been cunningly leaked. Continue reading “PM Furious as plot to leak the Brexit timetable foiled, after leaked notes detailing the planned leak are leaked”

Department of Health launches D-I-Y Home Operation Kits

Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health, has announced that the British People need to take responsibility for their own health, as the burden on the National Health Service  is too great and needs reducing, before it’s sold off to The Americans.

With this in mind the DoH have released a series of App based D-I-Y Home Operation kits, which will allow hard working families to take full responsibility for their health, their treatment and their clinical outcomes. Continue reading “Department of Health launches D-I-Y Home Operation Kits”

Shammond says austerity is over as CEO’s see an 11% increase in pay

A spontaneous wave of exaggerated thigh slapping, caused mass uproar in the House of Commons, as Phillip Hammond announced that his budget plans might have to be adapted, if a no deal was reached in Brexit negotiations.

One Tory back bencher complained that the unprecedented noise not only woke him up but triggered a tinnitus flare up too. Such impromptu displays of ‘‘working class’ behaviour, were met with a restorative wave of tutting and booing. Continue reading “Shammond says austerity is over as CEO’s see an 11% increase in pay”

Aryan Air’s works do would have been fine if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids

Arayan Air have found themselves in another race row after their works do, held in Newtownards, was mistaken for a KKK Rally.

Barry Gammon, spokesman for Aryan Air, said, “It wasn’t our fault, again.  We planned a works night out with a fancy dress theme and a pub crawl. As it was Halloween, and everyone would be in grotesque costumes, we decided to go as spooky ghosts. For some reason everyone thought we were in KKK costumes. ” Continue reading “Aryan Air’s works do would have been fine if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids”

Hey Ho Hop artists, The Somerset Paddy Ticklers are surprise favourites to win big at the MTV (EU) Awards

Sunday 4th November sees the annual MTV (EU) Award ceremony, to be held in Bilbao. This year’s ceremony looks like throwing up a surprise or two with traditional English counter-culture band, The Somerset Paddy Ticklers tipped to pick up a couple of awards.  Continue reading “Hey Ho Hop artists, The Somerset Paddy Ticklers are surprise favourites to win big at the MTV (EU) Awards”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd