The country’s mums raise a glass in cheer as the nation’s
children return to school.
“Thank Christ for that!” said Gillian Napton, “It’s been torture, 6 weeks of trying to keep the little bastards amused. The only respite was 2 weeks in Torremolinos and that seems ages ago. Every time I thought it couldn’t get any worse, their friends would turn up for a sleep over. Why were my 2 never invited anywhere?”.
Sit down and be quiet!
Having promised to ‘Up Tempo’ negotiations with the EU, many were left wondering who Boris’s staff were talking to. The EU have confirmed that there will be no renegotiation of the withdrawal agreement and as there was nothing to do, they’ve all trotted off to the South of France for a bit of R&R.
Mais Oui Mon Petit Pois
In what can only be described as a game changing move from
the Remain campaign, they shall now go by a new title: BREMAIN.
After months of acute research, undertaken by linguistic
students at the University of Life, the new appellation was voted on by MP’s in
favour of Britain remaining in the EU.
Bremain means Bremain!
Coal and log merchants are rubbing their hands in glee after the Devil announced extra deliveries of fuel so he can ensure the fires of Hell will be burning really brightly and hotly in time for the arrival of Boris Johnson.
Johnson is already known to want to be in charge immediately on his arrival in Hell and an epic argument over who rules for all of eternity is expected.
The Government plans to make Britain more democratic by shutting down Parliament. As a result the UK will be renamed The Great Democratic People’s Republic of Britain’.
In what is being hailed as a breakthrough in ‘thinking the unthinkable’, ‘blue skying’ and ‘spinning the unspinable’ Boris justified his actions by saying, ‘The last thing we need is that bunch of muppets interfering in the Grand Plan’.
Closed by order of the clown!