Monkey News

All the news from Monkey Island

‘What the Fudge?’ The new Homemade Fudge from Corby’s Confectionery Co leaves a nasty taste in the mouth

This week Corby’s Confectionery have released a high-end fudge to the market but many critics reckon it leaves a nasty taste in the mouth.

Over the last two years their competitors, in the fudge-packing industry, have experimented, unsuccessfully, with different fudges; May’s Sweets, Potato and Poteen range, BJ’s super-fudgy fudge called; Bang, Bang, What, What!, and R&M’s range of Hey Sucker! Fudge have all bombed, spectacularly.

Continue reading “‘What the Fudge?’ The new Homemade Fudge from Corby’s Confectionery Co leaves a nasty taste in the mouth”

Trump wants to build more terrific walls

Following the complete success of his first ‘bigly’ wall, Trump Builders Inc (Walls) are looking at European expansion.

Sarah Wannabee, WH spokesperson, explained, “Donald has been practising in his bedroom with his Lego set, and he’s really getting good at walls. Using his crayons, he’s identified several opportunities for new walls; North Africa, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and China could all benefit from having “another prick in the wall”. Continue reading “Trump wants to build more terrific walls”

Plucky English housewife, Mrs May, calls out the AA after her car breaks down during her Grand Tour of Europe

Like many middle-aged people Mrs May dreamt of the holiday of a life-time and spent two years planning her Grande Aventura. She arranged the perfect trip calling in on the  historic and cultural centres of Europe.

The car of choice was a vintage Jaguar. It was once a byword for power, elegance and an iconic example of British engineering. Although a pleasure to drive, it wasn’t noted for its reliability. Sensibly, she signed up for the AA’s, European Breakdown Assistance. Continue reading “Plucky English housewife, Mrs May, calls out the AA after her car breaks down during her Grand Tour of Europe”

54 yr old man w**ks himself into a coma after his first week working from home

Last Friday, Carl Jacksoff, was rushed to hospital after w**king himself into a coma.

Mr Jacksoff, an IT consultant from South Kensington, had recently given up employed work to start his own, home-based, IT business. He launched on Monday, but by Friday he was so physically drained he was no longer able to physically support himself.

Continue reading “54 yr old man w**ks himself into a coma after his first week working from home”

University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee

The three year degree course will cover all of the key jobs, and skills, currently undertaken by economic migrants; Fruit-Picking, waiting tables, home and office cleaning, coffee server, caring for the elderly, hospital porter, taxi-driver, hod carrier and sex worker. Continue reading “University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee”