Progress towards Armageddon is on hold according to a press statement issued by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The statement says that the Horsemen are locked down and can’t foresee a normal business being resumed until the COVID-19 pandemic is over.Normal Service will be resumed when the current threat is over
In a move to boost national morale, the UK Government is to introduce a “National Optimism Bill” implementing a number of motivational initiatives to “perk up” the beleaguered population, Meh! Britannia.
Inspired by Jacob Rees-Mogg playing “Rule Britannia” on his mobile phone, one initiative will see a “Mighty Wurlitzer” organ replacing the Speaker’s chair in the House of Commons; evoking the patriotism inherent in the Music Halls and Picture Houses of yesteryear.Notes from a small island
Champagne corks are popping in The City again as Brexit disaster looms larger and the pound plummets.
For I am a very fat cat indeed, said Mr Creosote
It’s been a difficult year. I know chaps who have struggled to make £20 million, and even then, they’ve had to resort to shorting businesses which were on the brink of collapse because of the lockdown. But every cloud, and all that…”Crispin Odious, Very Fat Cat
A Dunstable based Track and Trace operative was surprised when she called a number on her list, and Lord Lucan answered the phone.
This is T&T’S latest success. Recent achievements include finding; Shergar, 20,000 missing nurses and The Ark of the Covenant.Hello! Anyone there?
Boris Johnson is reintroducing lockdown as the threat of a return to doorstep clapping increases.
That clapping really got out of hand
Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will find ourselves back on the doorstep, clapping for nurses and key workers. No one wants to go through that again, not with winter approaching.Boris Johnson, noted clapper