In a move to boost national morale, the UK Government is to introduce a “National Optimism Bill” implementing a number of motivational initiatives to “perk up” the beleaguered population, Meh! Britannia.
In an eleventh-hour attempt to snatch a vanquishment from the jaws of defeat in the EU trade negotiations, the Government is deploying a world-beating Artificially Intelligent trade negotiator called Tantrum Extremis. It is built by Agrada (the Mutant AI who successfully performed as a scapegoat for the A level grading fiasco).
Can I just say how delighted I am by this result. With there only being one party in Scotland it was a real honour for us to finish second. Nothing characterises being Scottish more than losing, especially when winning seemed the easier option.