Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund

Inspired by the Premier League Footballers who have rallied round to help those who have been impacted by the Corona Virus Lockdown, a consortium of city traders, wealthy businessmen and aristocrats have joined together to do the same.

Happy to share it!
Having benefited so well from society it was the least we could do!

Following Boris Johnson’s miraculous recovery, the Pope is to sanctify Donald Trump

President Trump’s latest Twatter post celebrates Boris Johnson’s miraculous recovery and takes the credit for healing the Prime Minister.

Hey, it was nothing, I just said “Hey, God! Come on man!”

The Twat reads, “Congrats to Boris on beating the Chink Disease, I knew you would. I prayed for you, so you got better. God listens to me, that’s why he made me President.”  

I fixed it for Boris, says Donald

As air quality improves the Eiffel Tower is now visible from The Shard

With the lockdown in full operation, air pollution levels continue to fall. This has delivered an unexpected bonus, people can now see things that are usually obscured by the haze. For Example, it’s now possible to see The Eiffel Tower, Paris, from the roof-top terrace at The Shard, London.

Mais oui, but we cannot see The Shard as we are looking North

Police to enforce social distancing by using a British Yardstick

After confirmation from The Prime Minister that Brexit continues, the Government are reintroducing imperial measurements, starting with The British Yardstick.

Following on from countless breaches of the social distancing regulations, The Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, plans to issue all British Bobbies with a yardstick. This means The Police can ensure everyone stays at least 2 1/5th  yards away from each other.