Richard Braine (UKIP) has resigned from his position as Party Leader, despite not having done anything wrong.
Remarkably, Mr Braine hadn’t slept with any of his younger members of staff, his mates’ wives or behaved inappropriately with a model, rent boy or Jeanette Krankie. Financially, he hadn’t failed to declare; income, connections to dodgy businessmen, unsolicited cash payments nor had he embezzled expenses. Surprisingly, he hadn’t lied, cheated or said anything that was remotely homophobic, racist or misogynistic.
Politician has an exemplary record, quits saying “I’m not cut out for politics”
Alan Whickham-Smythe, former piece of Sky News furniture and chair of the “Oh Sit Down, Oh Sit Down, Sit Down Next To Me” Party, has been unseated following a disastrous night out in Glasgow.
Vote Chair dream dies a sad and lonely death
A Boris Johnson fact-checker has been signed off sick due to overwork.
Tish, tosh and piffle
There has been mass panic in the UK following the D.F.S. Sale finally ending due to all its furniture deciding to embark on political careers.
Speaking to D.F.S. CEO Andrew Futon, he explained, “We never realised that our furniture would walk out on us… usually we’d have to transport them in a van.”
Vote Chair you know it makes sense
The International Order of Puppeteers has chosen this year’s winner of Puppeteer of the Year recipient, sock puppet master Vladislav Pupin.
News of Pupin’s win broke last night, after winning the award with a first-ever unanimous vote by IOP judges. “This big win is not surprising,” according to puppet show critic, Manolo CalcetÍn. “Pupin’s ability to manipulate multiple puppets while keeping his audiences mesmerized is ‘unmatched’ in the world today.”
Of course you’re a real boy….tovarich