The Westminster Monkey House

Breaking News – Nicola Sturgeon's Acceptance Speech

Can I just say how delighted I am by this result. With there only being one party in Scotland it was a real honour for us to finish second. Nothing characterises being Scottish more than losing, especially when winning seemed the easier option.

SNP, nearly winning
Scotland, the playground for the English Middle-Classes

Breaking News – The Boris Johnson acceptance speech

Well, what ho! Hey! What what! no one expected that.

Absolutely brilliant, what a night. Best night of action I’ve had since I stayed at Jennifer’s. Brilliant. Yes, ho-hum, well, we nearly won, we almost made it. Now some words. Yes.

Look at me!
Well, that was fun, let’s do it agaiin!