If Labour wins the next election, Jeremy Corbyn has promised an increase in national happiness by giving a free puppy or kitten to every household in Britain.
In what is being hailed as a revolutionary new policy, Mr Corbyn aims to make Britain forget about its troubles and woes through the use of cute furry animals. Within 3 months of winning, every household will receive their new pet. Acceptance is mandatory.
Now Mr Tibbles, stop that!
Scotland’s First Minister and Leader of the SNP Nicola Sturgeon has stated her full support for Alan-Whickham Smythe, the Sky News studio chair who last week announced that he was sitting and standing in the General Election.
Vote Chair! Vote Chair! Vote Chair!
Following yesterday’s story of Alan Whickham-Smythe – Sky News Studio swivel chair and close personal friend of Kay Burley’s campaign to win the General Election, UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced his decision to abolish chairs.
When asked if this decision was based on the chair being a more popular candidate for next PM and his biggest political rival, Mr Johnson replied, “Of course not, no. The decision to ban chairs from Britain has been a key policy of the Conservative Party for a couple of weeks, now. We feel that Britain is getting lazy and sitting around too much, waiting for us to get our fingers out and do our jobs, so away with chairs! Let’s all stand on two legs together.”
tOUGH ON FURNITURE, TOUGH ON THE CAUSES OF FURNITURE!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make another public apology.
Unfortunately, they’ve made me make an unreserved apology to all those people that are not supporters of the Tory Party. It seems they are easily offended, I don’t know why, it was just a bit of bants.
But I didn’t mean it (Fingers Crossed)
Advance briefing is everything for politicians dashing from
one interview to the next in the run-up to an election, and Jacob
Rees-Mogg understands that better than most.
Rushing into one radio interview, he was armed only with the
rationale that leaving is common sense and that people should ignore
advice to remain. All good and all on-message so far. The tired old Leave vs
Remain argument. An easy interview to head into.
I’m a silly old nuggins says JRM