The Westminster Monkey House

Corbyn released as no evidence he’s trying to bring down government

Jeremy Corbyn was arrested under The Terrorism Act. He has since been released as there is insufficient evidence that he is trying to bring down the Government.

After having been outed by The Daily Mail as a terrorist many years ago, Jeremy Corbyn has been on the official watchlist as a ‘significant’ threat to an effective Tory Government. However, the risks may have been exaggerated.

What do we want? We dont’t know, When do we want it? Never

MP Suspended over sexual misconduct but it wasn’t Boris Johnson

Surprise across Westminster after an MP was suspended, pending an enquiry into allegations of sexual misconduct.

Whilst Parliament had been rife with rumours as to the identity of the MP in question, heavy money had been bet on it being Boris Johnson. Much to the tousle-haired rogue’s relief, it turned out to be someone else.

What do you mean it wasn’t Boris?

Parliament’s Saturday session contravenes the EU Working Time Directive

Parliament’s Saturday Session has been cancelled as it contravenes the EU Working Time Directive.

Boris Johnson’ Saturday session of the House of Commons has been cancelled. Consequently, The Speaker confirmed that the proposed session would put MPs in breach of the EU Working Time Directive, so couldn’t go ahead.

Work? On a Saturday? Are you mad?

EU delay response to Boris as they disagree on how to tell him to F*ck Off

The EU has delayed the response to Boris Johnson’s proposals for a Withdrawal Agreement, as they cannot agree on the best way to tell him to Fuck Off.

All 27 nations are united in agreeing that his proposals were a publicity stunt in the first place and that he was never serious about coming to an agreement. However, they have become divided as to how to tell him to do one.

Here pal, do one!

University Challenge rules out ‘Corbyn’ as answer to anything

University Challenge has declared ‘Jeremy Corbyn’ as ineligible as an answer to any legitimate question, arsey host Jeremy Paxman has declared.

“Nothing has stumped us in almost sixty years, but this time we’ve met our match,” Paxman said. “You’d have thought it was easy, what with the country being run by a sock puppet with Dominic ‘Lurch’ Cummings’ hand up his arse. But even the question ‘Is Corbyn better than Johnson?’ proved unanswerable – a bit like deciding which Strictly competitor you hate the most.”

Here is your starter for 10, WTF?