Circus and funhouse manager Bozo Johnson claims he would have gotten away with his dastardly plan if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids.
“We had it all sorted, I’d pretended to be a ghost and made the sweet old lady think that she was helping by giving me the keys to the castle. Jacob and the rest of my gang scared everyone out of the House of Horrors. Our plan had worked perfectly, we were all set to clean up and no one knew a thing, then along came those pesky kids.”
I’ll Get you!
After yet another dissenting vote led to acrimony and
in-fighting, Jeremy Corbyn was fed up and pissed off with his troublesome delegates.
Drawing inspiration from Boris Johnson, Jeremy decided to abandon any notion of
democracy and prorogue the Labour Party Conference.
A supporter declared it as a stroke of political genius. “Once again Jeremy has stuck by his core principle of avoiding difficult decisions.”
Go on you lot, bugger off!
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been accused of lying yet again. The thirty-two year old was overheard last night at the Chancellor’s Ball claiming “Of course I lift, bro – do you?”
Following his successful defeat of the Nazis during WWII and that time when he prevented the heat-death of the known universe, Mr Johnson has his sights set on overcoming another dangerous and power-hungry obstacle – himself.
It means whatever I say it means
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology after getting caught lying again.
Unfortunately, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a very naughty boy.
On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to The Queen/ my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/ my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife.
Be I ever so humble!
A bespoke armchair and chaise-longue manufacturer have chosen Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg to be the brand ambassador and new face of their company: PomPosity.
shall appear in a series of televisual adverts for the company, and will ‘pose
in a variety of positions’, showing off the range of products PomPosity have to