In the modern era of high-quality online news websites, The Daily Mail has finally announced its imminent closure.
“We haven’t printed any truthful news for nearly thirty years,” said Deputy Editor, Ian Napton. “Nobody here could accept how The Conservative Party treated Margaret, and our hearts haven’t quite been in it ever since. We run stories about house prices, cancer, immigrants, The Royal Family and the EU because people expect us to, but truthfully, I pay my twelve year old daughter a fiver a week to write those.” Continue reading “RIP – the lion hearted champion of truth, decency and traditional, white, middle-class values, that was The Daily Mail”
Britain sadly lost one of it’s most passionate and vocal advocates for Victorian Values and Women’s Rights.
Few have gone further in protecting the legacy of women as property, than Sir Christopher Chode MP. A political titan, described as a man for whom the 20th Century never happened, a resolute upholder of tradition and defender of outdated modes of thought. Continue reading “RIP Sir Christopher Chode* MP a stalwart fighter for traditional Victorian values”
The renowned technology inventor, James Dyson, has passed away, aged 71.
Dyson, creator of the bagless vacuum cleaner and other gadgets we didn’t know we needed, was Britain’s ninth richest person. He died suddenly today of Galloping Hypocrisy, a condition which, though not uncommon, is rarely so severe that it kills.
Continue reading “RIP – James Dyson, inventor and hypocrite, 1947-2019”
His Royal Highness, The Duke Of Edinburgh, has passed away, aged 97. Deadpool players in offices across the country finally have their man.
A stalwart at Her Majesty The Queen’s side throughout the decades, he was always there when a tactless, snidey, occasionally racist put down was required. Continue reading “RIP – Prince Philip, Greece’s greatest cabbie”
High profile singer, Christian and bachelor, Sir Cliff Pritchard, has passed away, aged 78.
The singer, whose natural audience all died some thirty to forty years ago, continued to publish dreadful music until his untimely death. Music journalists have redefined the word “untimely” especially for Sir Cliff, to mean “at least twenty-five years too late.” Continue reading “RIP – Sir Cliff Pritchard India’s greatest rocker”
In a 1960s London drug den, a young Eric Napton picked up a snazzy electric guitar left on the floor by a stoned hippy. Without a care for either the theft of said guitar, or of the lack of any ability to read or write music, the chemically-inconvenienced Napton left the building and stumbled on to a train, guitar slung over his shoulder. Shortly afterwards, he disembarked at Clapham Common. Continue reading “RIP Rock Legend, hell raiser, bad driver and narcotic bon viveur, Eric Clapham”