Monkey Games

Monkeys like sports.

Football’s Ian Holloway looks Forward to Post-Brexit Utopia

Handball

An interesting appearance from the mystifyingly unemployed soccer supremo, Ian Holloway, on Sky Sports’ flagship nonsense shouting enterprise ‘the Debate’ (which as much follows the rules of a normal debate as two pissed up Doncaster Rovers fans screaming insults at each other in the door to a pub on Saturday night) shed new light on the rumbling Brexit fiasco after Holloway gave the EU credit for making a right mess of the handball rules in football.

Football’s for the English!

ECB to revitalise cricket with the introduction of the One Ball Game

In a desperate bid to attract a new cricket audience the ECB have announced plans to reduce matches to one ball per team.

Ian Napton-Smythe, DfS, GChQ, FghI and ECB Chair, explained his thinking.

“Everyone loves a day at the cricket. Typically one starts the day with a hearty Full English before heading off to the ground for kick off at 11.00 am. Then it’s out with the beer, G&T, or whatever takes your fancy. Nothing is really happening in the game at this point, so it’s an early opportunity to get those alcohol levels up nice and high. Before you know it, it’s time for lunch in the restaurant or maybe a picnic, all washed down with a couple of bottles of claret. Then back to the seat and nice afternoon doze until tea.”

Owzat!

Scientists begin search for Australia’s missing backbone

Scientists and Doctors working at Credulous College have begun an extensive search for the long-lost Australian Spine.

Once upon a time the Australians were famous for their backbone. It provided strength and certainty in difficult times. Its absence was first noted when their cricket team turned in some woeful performances, for example failing to bowl out Alistair Cook.

This led to some light-hearted chants, such as “Are you England in disguise?” Of course, the England fans had no reason to believe this state of affairs would last long. Surely, the Australians would rediscover their backbone and return to thumping England all over the place.

Are you England in disguise?

Tony Adams to bring his experience of being tall to Rugby League

Rugby

The sport of Rugby League faces an exciting new dawn with the arrival of a fresh face in the much-vaunted Presidential throne, none other than footballing genius and waistcoat innovator, Tony Adams.

Some may be sceptical over Adams’s knowledge and understanding of the sport, but Tony is quick to put such claims to bed; “I understand they use their hands and throw the ball around, which will take some getting used to as in football this is not often the done thing. I’ve also noticed that Rugby League players seem to be fucking huge, which is another difference that I have identified.”

A Gary Owen
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