Monkey Games

Monkeys like sports.

Carabao Cup draw takes place in the Morrisons soft drinks aisle

Carabao Cup Drawn in Morrisons

A controversial venue choice has led to bitter outrage and furious condemnation for the organisers of the Rumbelows Coca-Cola Littlewoods Challenge Over-sugared Carabao Soft Drink Championship. The draw for Round 1 of the trophy (which led to such mouth-watering pairings as Grimsby v Doncaster and Blackpool v Macclesfield) took place in the Colindale branch of Morrison’s on Thursday evening.

and next out Accrington Stanley

British Tennis officially graded as ‘shite again’

Johanna Konta trying to hit a tennis ball

Thanks to Johanna Konta’s run to the semi-finals of the French Open tennis championships in Paris this week, Britain’s standing in the Ladies’ World Ranking has raced back up to 159th place, just behind Tahiti.

Sue Barker said, “Johanna did amazingly well, losing only to a 19 year old who’d never reached a semi-final before. If she hadn’t done so well, we might have dropped out of the top 200.” Continue reading “British Tennis officially graded as ‘shite again’”

Champions League Final nearly as exciting as Bolton v Tadcaster in 1999

Champions League Final

It may be a contentious assertion, but several media personalities have stepped forward already to dub Liverpool’s nail-biting 2-0 triumph over Spurs (yes, those guys) in the Champions League Final (no, really, the Champions League Final) the greatest final in the history of the competition.

One popular Welsh pundit, Mr T. Pulis, gave his views, “It was remarkable, Liverpool had a pass completion rate after half time of 59%, even at my peak with Stoke, playing a midfield of Rory Delap and a bit of scaffolding, we could barely get it below 60, amazing stuff.” Continue reading “Champions League Final nearly as exciting as Bolton v Tadcaster in 1999”

Woke parents disappointed following cancellation of the non-gendered carers Ovoid and Spoon race at non-competitive sports day

Hippie family

A controversial decision, relating to a school summer sports day, has vexed an enlightened  vegan couple.

Having successfully won their campaign to ban competitive children’s events, Olivia and Leaf Napton were outraged to discover the annual non-gendered Ovoid and Spoon race had been cancelled too. Continue reading “Woke parents disappointed following cancellation of the non-gendered carers Ovoid and Spoon race at non-competitive sports day”

Controversy as ex-state school pupil joins England Cricket as Waterboy

Got ya, you bastard

Cricket, often considered an elitist sport has now become so diversified that a former state school pupil has joined the national team, albeit as Waterboy.

In order to broaden the games appeal, the ECB have allowed a non-Public School boy to become associated with the team. The appointment of Ian Napton, formerly of Knappers Comprehensive, Birmingham, marks a significant attitudinal change within the cricket establishment.

Continue reading “Controversy as ex-state school pupil joins England Cricket as Waterboy”

Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists

Old Golfers

Golfer, Ian Napton, has moved from his local club since discovering his playing partners are Facebook racists.

The trouble started when his grandchildren persuaded him to join Facebook. It was all very exciting, his golf mates were regular users and they were soon following each other. They shared jokes, news and posts. Continue reading “Grandad moves golf club after finding out his mates are Facebook racists”

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