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Quarantined footballer discovers a book

During the Corona Virus lockdown, many people have become bored watching TV, Netflix and endless YouTube videos. By happenchance, Manchester United’s star striker, Ian Napton, has discovered a book.

The incident occurred when his Chiropodist came around to pamper his tootsies. As she set up her oils and unguents, she took the book from her bag and placed it to one side.

But what happens next?

Accidental community hero honoured by his neighbours

A community is honouring an accidental hero, for his valiant efforts, to support his neighbours during social distancing.

With his heralded golf club closed for the foreseeable, Ian Napton like many, was faced with a daunting void in his social calendar. With this in mind, his quick thinking wife Gillian suggested, that they ‘embark on studying and practising daily tantric sex.

Its shut, what do i do now?
It was nothing, what else are you going to do whilst the golf club is closed?

Corona Virus upgraded to ‘kin serious now that a football match has been moved

Britain has admitted that the Coronavirus outbreak is really serious now that a football match has been cancelled. Manchester City will now play Arsenal at a later, less diseased, time.

Until now, with so few people actually dead in Britain, Coronavirus has merely been a tremendous excuse not to go to work, but the rearrangement of a Premiership match has shifted the public compass.

Of course it’s serious, we’ve had to delay kick off!