Monkey Games

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EFL make it illegal to look at footballers prancing about, whilst wearing a trackie

The EFL has finally announced its sanction for Leeds United on charges that they broke EFL rule 87b – “doing something that isn’t illegal but which could be in other circumstances.” resulting in a £200k fine and a rule change.

Simon Sharpe, speaking on behalf of the EFL, announced the new sanction, “We don’t want to see this happening again, not in our leagues. You can’t have people looking through fences, but it’s not just fences we’re worried about. Our tough new rule prevents people in official club trackies from looking over walls and rummaging through bins for tossed out scraps of tactical analysis.” Continue reading “EFL make it illegal to look at footballers prancing about, whilst wearing a trackie”

After Chelsea’s 6-0 drubbing some football pundiots ask; What is going wrong with Sarri Ball?

Chelsea’s fag-chomping Italian supremo, Maurizio Sarri, has come in for some tough criticism this week after their 6-0 drubbing away to Man City. The mauling has prompted a number of incisive tactical analysis, which have driven at the heart of where things are going wrong with so-called ‘Sarri ball’.   Continue reading “After Chelsea’s 6-0 drubbing some football pundiots ask; What is going wrong with Sarri Ball?”

UK selects The Okey-Cokey as its entry into The Eurovision Song Contest

In one of the more definitive results, in a National Vote, Britain has overwhelmingly chosen The Okey-Cokey as its entry into the Eurovision Song Contest.

Beating off strong competition from such nostalgia pop as; The White Cliffs of Dover Car Park, by Failing Grayling; Rule Britannia by Little Dick and The Johnsons, and F U EU by controversial rappers, The Elite, The Okey-Cokey was the surprise winner of the People’s Vote. Continue reading “UK selects The Okey-Cokey as its entry into The Eurovision Song Contest”

Following the abysmal performance of the England Cricket Team, in the West Indies, Theresa May has cancelled their right to return under Operation Winless

Keen cricket fan, Theresa May, was so disgusted at the performance of the England Team, following their thrashing on their West Indies tour, that she has cancelled their right to return.

A government spokesperson, Ian Napton, explained, “She got the idea from Operation Windrush, where we deported British Citizens to the West Indies. In this case she thought we could save on the cost of flying them out there, if we just stopped them from returning.” 
Continue reading “Following the abysmal performance of the England Cricket Team, in the West Indies, Theresa May has cancelled their right to return under Operation Winless”

It’s the comments men make about my tits that really keeps me going, admits lady runner

Recent health survey results revealed an unexpected incentive for some women’s fitness drives.

An experienced runner, Gillian Napton, has attributed her consistent success in races, to the steady stream of hearty feedback, she receives from passing vehicles.

During her gruelling training sessions, often upwards of twenty kilometres, she admitted that she liked nothing better than a sharp horn blast or a wolf-whistle. Opening up to us she revealed, ‘’If I’m ever struggling with motivation in a race, all I think about are the warm, positive affirmations I receive, such as ‘nice pins’ or ‘you don’t get many of them for a pound’.” Continue reading “It’s the comments men make about my tits that really keeps me going, admits lady runner”

FA launch an investigation into T’spygate after a man from Leeds United looked at a fence

The FA have announced an investigation into the World’s Worst Spy, found outside Derby County’s training ground looking at a fence and revealed to be a member of Leeds United staff.

This action potentially contravenes FA rule 4643-B, “No club shall force staff to watch a Frank Lampard training session.”, as well as rule 4115-C, “No manager shall try to cover up morally dubious actions by admitting them on national TV, or BT Sport.”. Continue reading “FA launch an investigation into T’spygate after a man from Leeds United looked at a fence”

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