Football

La Liga offer counselling to victims of Messi

Following another season, where Lionel Messi, the World’s greatest football player, destroyed opponents with outrageous displays of skill, La Liga has offered to provide counselling for distraught players.

Oh! Did you see that?

Man United crash out of the UEFA LDV Vans Coca-Cola Shield

United’s Disappointment

So United have crashed out of the European equivalent of the Price is Right. There’ll be no bonus prizes this time, they haven’t even been able to hang on to the £100 Argos voucher, being dumped out without even getting the chance to answer their double points bonus question on the works of William Shakespeare.

Shame, hard luck, it’s the taking part that matters!

Quarantined footballer discovers a book

During the Corona Virus lockdown, many people have become bored watching TV, Netflix and endless YouTube videos. By happenchance, Manchester United’s star striker, Ian Napton, has discovered a book.

The incident occurred when his Chiropodist came around to pamper his tootsies. As she set up her oils and unguents, she took the book from her bag and placed it to one side.

But what happens next?

Corona Virus upgraded to ‘kin serious now that a football match has been moved

Britain has admitted that the Coronavirus outbreak is really serious now that a football match has been cancelled. Manchester City will now play Arsenal at a later, less diseased, time.

Until now, with so few people actually dead in Britain, Coronavirus has merely been a tremendous excuse not to go to work, but the rearrangement of a Premiership match has shifted the public compass.

Of course it’s serious, we’ve had to delay kick off!

Spurs to play all their games behind closed doors

Officials at the club took the decision came following their game against RB Leipzig, which ended in a humiliating 0-3 defeat, and exit from The Champions League.

The club said that following recent results, and the managers style of play, it was only fair to protect the fans from having to watch the team.

It was the kindest thing we could do